Getting daughter to fasten her jacket up?

[Scottish Joan]

My daughter Rhona is 7 and doesn't like being cold or wet but on rainy days, will not fasten up the zip of her jacket but still complains at being wet/cold so, how can I get her to fasten her jacket, should I do it for her or would that be wrong?

[linsaa fdc]

Hi Scottish Joan,
Funny kids...I personally believe there are so many not negotiable situations with children for their safety etc, don't worry yourself over this one. Make sure she can fasten it, maybe she has trouble with it and that's why she doesn't. Or get her a jumper if it is really cold and it worries you, or just wait and let her figure it out. Lastly if you are happy doing it for her and if she is happy for you to do it what is the harm, before you know it she will be a teenager and will want to be completely independent, don't worry about what other people think.
Linsaa fdc

[Lorina]

Like Linsaa suggested she probably has difficulty zipping her jacket up that's why she is hesitant to do so. Maybe you can by a jacket with buttons instead or let your daughter choose a jacket she wants to wear. You could also make sure she wears layers under her jacket to stay warm. A singlet, a long sleeve top, a jumper then jacket on top. This way even though If your daughter keeps her jacket open she is still warm. A scarf to cover her chest and kneck it also a good idea.

Hope this helps,

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

It is her school jacket which she loves to bits lol, she even wears it for daily use.

I have suggested layers but she doesn't like layers as it makes her look bulky.

I think she just likes mommy to zip her jacket because she can do it if she tries hard or has patience to.

[linsaa fdc]

Maybe try giving her a choice. Either wear a singlet as well or do your jacket up. Sometimes they like to feel as if they have made the decision.

[Scottish Joan]

I let her go outside without her jacket fastened up just so that she could see how cold/wet it was and straight away she went back inside to get her hat which is a bonus (she never wears a hat or hood because "it messes her hair up") so it must have been really cold for her. She also fastened up her jacket herself and was so proud of herself .

Progress I would say.

[Lorina]

I let her go outside without her jacket fastened up just so that she could see how cold/wet it was and straight away she went back inside to get her hat which is a bonus (she never wears a hat or hood because "it messes her hair up") so it must have been really cold for her. She also fastened up her jacket herself and was so proud of herself .

Progress I would say.

Definitely progress! I guess sometimes we need to let our child be and let them experience "life" for themselves... Looks like she got the message loud and clear without you having to remind her! That's awesome! A step in the right direction I'd say!!

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

What a struggle I had getting her to fasten her jacket this morning , she ended up being late for School due to it.

She was watching cartoons whilst eating her breakfast and was too busy concentrating on the cartoon that she lost track of time and also never heard me calling her to get ready.

I went into living room at 0850 and switched off tv and told her off for ignoring me so she then hurried to get her shoes, jacket and schoolbag on but she took 5mins to tie her shoelaces and was going to go out with a) her jacket wide open and flapping and b) no hood up or hat on so, I called her back, put the hood up for her and went to fasten the jacket (it was far too late to get her to do that herself because it takes 5mins for her to walk to school) but she moaned and then unfastened the jacket so I fastened it back up saying "its snowing (snowing in April yes) so you need your jacket zipped" so by time we got out door it was 9 which is when school starts.

[Lorina]

Maybe she shouldn't be watching cartoons before school? So, she isn't distracted while getting ready for school. Don't worry sometimes you're going to have to fasten up the jacket for her but that's OK. Sometimes you can't wait around and you end up doing it. You're a mum, it's going to happen! Also, instead of calling out you will probably need to go to her and tell her "in 10 minutes Im switching the TV off so you can get ready for school". Then when you want her to get ready you go switch the TV off yourself and she can get ready. Just make sure you give her 2 or 3 warnings beforehand so she knows what to expect. When a child is focused on something they usually zone out everything else!

I'm sure it will get better!

,
Lorina

[linsaa fdc]

Hi Scottish Joan,
Why don't you swap your morning routine around. When she is completely ready and dressed for school....jacket and breakfast too....then she can watch tv for whatever time she has left. That might encourage her to get ready in a timely manner. In my experience tv before school if not done in the order I mentioned can cause every parent problems. It might take a week of standing your ground but she is a smart little girl and she should soon realize if she does it all quickly she will have lots of tv time. You have to stick to what you say, you might have a whole lot of tantrums in the short term but in the long run your morning will stop becoming a battle ground.
Linsaa Fdc

[linsaa fdc]

Hi, Me again. I just took a look at your profile and saw you live in London. No wonder fastening her jacket is such a big thing for you. Here in Queensland Australia it doesn't really matter if they don't want to wear one even in winter. Try what I suggested with the morning routine. As Lorina said let her know beforehand what is going to happen, like the day before and remind her before she goes bed. Be enthusiastic and hopefully this will work for you.
What is the temperature over there today?
Linsaa fdc

[Scottish Joan]

3C.

[linsaa fdc]

That's really cold.

[Scottish Joan]

Yeah which is why I want her jacket fastened up (zip and velcro not one or the other; plus it gets fastened to the top) in order to keep her warm/dry.

Some parents look at me and Rhona and think we are mad for making her dress to much but then again, I look around at their kids and see only t-shirts on them and really feel sorry for the child as they are shivering, I just think to myself "come on, it only takes seconds to put a jacket on your child and then fasten it up".

[linsaa fdc]

T-shirts in 3c, that's crazy. Persevere you are on the right track.

[Scottish Joan]

She was the same this morning and after School.

It was only 2C this time yet she would not fasten her jacket and unfastened it everytime that I fastened it, even threats of early bed didn't work so after 5 times of having to refasten the jacket, I took her hand and said "if you are going to unfasten the zip everytime I fasten it then I am going to take your hand so that it stays fastened.

Her excuse for wanting it left open was "my friends get to keep their jackets open".


I am really contemplating a reward chart and if her jacket gets (AND STAYS) fastened every day, on way to and back from School then she gets a treat at weekend, most likely to be going to cinema for a film of her choice.

Would that work or is that slight blackmail for getting her to fasten the jacket?

[Lorina]

There is nothing wrong with using a reward chart! If it works then you should use it!

I used a sticker chart for potty training my 20 month old and it worked like a charm. I didn't do the whole "earn 10 stickers and we buy you something..." because she doesn't understand that concept. So, instead every time she did a wee she got a sticker for every poo she got 2 stickers... It worked very well and only used this system for a month now I don't use it and she doesn't ask and she is completely potty trained.

My point is, if a reward chart gets her to keep her jacket on then by all means do it! You could do something like for every 10 stickers she gets a small prize (chocolate, a new pen, novelty items etc. she can choose one) and for every 20 stickers she gets a big prize (dinner of her choice, outing of her choice etc.).

Hope this helps,

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

What response should I have used when she moaned about her "friends being allowed outside with wide open jackets"?

[Lorina]

Maybe something like... I'm sure that their mums are just as worried about them getting cold like I am for you. I just want you to keep nice and warm and prevent you from getting sick... I would really appreciate it if you keep your jacket zipped and closed while playing outside....

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

She was very cheeky to her friends parents today regarding playing outside and keeping her jacket fastened.

She went round to a friends house to meet up with a few other friends and the rule in that house is "jackets have to be fastened and closed whilst playing outside and then off in the front porch", Rhona went into the house with muddy shoes having walked on muddy grass so she got a telling off for that to which she said "f*** off, I can walk in with my shoes on if I like", she then got a row 20mins later because when they came back from swingpark, she had come in with mud on her jumper which had been dripping onto the floor, she was asked "why was your jacket not closed, you know that is the rule so you can wipe up the mud, again she said "NO, your house so you wipe the floor and, if I want my jacket wide open then it will bloody well stay open".

Lets just say that this friend is no longer friends with Rhona due to fact that she was nasty to that friends parents.

Once daddy had heard about that, she got a big, big row, grounded for a fortnight and sent to her bed early so just now she is crying and asking for hugs from me to which I am ignoring but I did calmly speak to her regarding the behaviour earlier on.

I can see this fastening the jacket issue lasting longer than I would like.

I don't want to spoil my relationship with both OH and Rhona and Rhona's relationship with daddy but do need to sort out the jacket issue so that she doesn't lose anymore friends (it is only one friend she lost today but she is heartbroken because she knows that friend won't be friends again, even if Rhona apologises).