When a Child Is Violent Towards You: Navigating Safety and Support in Early Childhood Education

Violence from a child in an early childhood setting can be confronting, destabilising, and emotionally exhausting. For educators committed to nurturing safe, responsive environments, such incidents often trigger a complex mix of concern, confusion, and self-doubt. This article explores how educators can protect themselves, support the child, and uphold their duty of care.

Violence—whether hitting, biting, kicking, or verbal aggression—is not a reflection of educator failure. It is a signal. A signal that something within the child’s world is dysregulated, and that the system around them must respond with clarity, compassion, and accountability.

Prioritising Immediate Safety

When a child becomes physically aggressive, your first responsibility is to ensure safety—for yourself, the child, and others nearby. This may involve calmly creating physical space, using de-escalation techniques, or calling for assistance. Services must have clear risk management procedures, including protocols for responding to violent behaviour and accessing additional support. Educators should never be left to manage alone.

What To Do When A Child Starts Hitting You

When a child starts hitting you in an early childhood setting, it’s critical to respond with calm, clarity, and protective intent—not just for your safety, but to model regulation.

1. Ensure Immediate Safety

Create space:Step back calmly to avoid further contact.
Protect without punishment: Use open body language, and avoid grabbing or restraining unless absolutely necessary and permitted by policy.
Call for help: Signal a colleague or supervisor if the situation escalates beyond your control.

Tip: Your calm presence is a regulatory anchor. Avoid reacting with shock or anger—even if it’s hard.

Use De-Escalation Language

“I’m going to move back so we can both be safe.”
“I see you’re having a big feeling. I’m here to help.”
“Let’s take some breaths together.”

Keep your tone low, slow, and emotionally neutral. Avoid “Stop!” or “Don’t hit!” during peak escalation.

Document the Incident Immediately

Record what happened, what led up to it, your response, and any injuries.
Use objective language: “Child hit educator on arm with open hand during transition to rest time.”
Link to any existing behaviour support plans or known triggers.

This protects you legally and informs future planning. Services should provide trauma-informed templates.

Debrief and Seek Support

Speak with your Nominated Supervisor or Responsible Person.
Request a formal debrief if needed—especially if the incident was emotionally distressing.
Access EAP or peer support. You deserve care too.

You are not expected to absorb violence as “part of the job.” WHS laws protect your right to safety.

Engage Families Thoughtfully

Frame the behaviour as a signal, not a flaw: “We noticed [child’s name] had a hard moment today and used hitting to express big feelings.”
Invite collaboration: “We’d love to work with you to support safer ways for [child’s name] to express emotions.”

Avoid blame. Focus on shared goals and co-regulation strategies.

Review and Adjust the Environment

Was the child overstimulated, rushed, or triggered by a transition?
Do they need a quiet space, sensory tools, or visual schedules?
Is staffing adequate to support relational practice?

Violence often reflects unmet needs. Adjusting the environment can prevent recurrence.

Know Your Legal Rights

Under the National Law and WHS legislation, you have a right to physical and psychological safety.
Repeated incidents may require risk assessments, staffing changes, or external support.
If violence is linked to suspected abuse or neglect, mandatory reporting applies.

Services must act—not just empathise—when staff are harmed.

De-escalation Strategies for Early Childhood Educators

1. Active Listening with LEAPS

Use the LEAPS technique to validate the child’s emotions and redirect their energy:

Listen without interrupting
Empathise with their feelings
Ask open-ended questions
Paraphrase their concerns
Summarise a plan for moving forward

This builds trust and helps the child feel seen.

2. Keep Language Simple and Calm

Use short, clear phrases like “Let’s take a breath together.”
Avoid “don’t” statements; instead, guide toward desired behaviour: “Hands are for helping.”
Speak slowly, softly, and with warmth.

3. Non-Threatening Body Language

Stand sideways, not face-on
Keep hands relaxed and visible
Maintain a neutral facial expression

This reduces perceived threat and helps the child regulate.

4. Allow Processing Time

After giving a prompt, pause.
Let the child absorb and respond without pressure.
Silence can be a powerful tool for regulation.

5. Offer Controlled Choices

“Would you like to sit on the cushion or the mat?”
“Do you want to draw or build right now?”
Giving agency within safe limits restores a sense of control.

6. Use Non-Verbal Cues

Gentle gestures, visual prompts, or picture cards can guide behaviour without words.
These are especially effective for children with language delays or sensory sensitivities.

7. Understand the Escalation Curve

According to Queensland’s Prevention and De-escalation Fact Sheet, behaviour escalates in stages:

Trigger → Agitation → Acceleration → Peak → Recovery → Post-Crisis Depression

Intervene early—during agitation or acceleration—with relational strategies, not control tactics.

What to Say During De-escalation?

When a child is dysregulated or aggressive, what you say—and how you say it—can either soothe or escalate the situation. In early childhood settings, your words should be simple, emotionally attuned, and grounded in safety and connection. Here’s a curated set of emotionally intelligent phrases you can use during de-escalation, drawn from trauma-informed practice and sector guidance:

To Validate Feelings (Not Behaviour)

“I see you’re feeling really upset right now.”
“That was a big feeling. I’m here with you.”
“It’s okay to feel angry. Let’s find a safe way to show it.

Why it works: Naming the emotion helps the child feel seen and begins the process of regulation. Avoid naming the behaviour (e.g., “Stop hitting”) during peak escalation.

To Create Safety and Space

“You’re safe. I’m going to stay close so you’re not alone.”
“I’m giving you space, but I’m still here if you need me.”
“Let’s move to a quiet spot together.”

Why it works: Safety is relational. These phrases reduce threat and support co-regulation.

To Offer Gentle Choices

“Would you like to sit on the cushion or the mat?”
“Do you want to hold your soft toy or take deep breaths with me?”
“You can choose: quiet corner or story time.”

Why it works: Controlled choices restore agency and reduce power struggles.

To Reassure and Reconnect

“I’m not angry. I want to help you feel better.”
“You’re not in trouble. We’re figuring this out together.”
“Let’s take a breath and start again.”

Why it works: These phrases repair ruptures and model emotional resilience.

When Silence Is More Powerful

Sit nearby, soften your body language, and say nothing.
Use gentle gestures or calming visuals (e.g., sensory bottles, soft scarves).

Why it works: During peak escalation, the brain can’t process language. Presence matters more than words.

Documenting the Incident

Accurate, objective documentation is essential. Record what happened, what led up to it, how you responded, and any injuries sustained. Link the incident to existing behaviour support plans if applicable. This documentation not only protects staff—it informs future planning, risk assessments, and family engagement. Services should ensure educators have access to trauma-informed templates that support reflection without retraumatisation.

Understanding the Behaviour

Violent behaviour is rarely random. It may stem from trauma, unmet sensory needs, communication challenges, or environmental stressors. Behaviour is communication—and our role is to decode it. Services should engage allied health professionals, inclusion support, and trauma specialists to co-design strategies that meet the child’s needs while protecting staff wellbeing.

Engaging Families with Care

Conversations with families must be handled with emotional intelligence. Avoid blame. Instead, frame the discussion around shared concern and collaborative planning. “We’ve noticed some big feelings showing up as hitting. We want to work together to support [child’s name] in feeling safe and regulated.” Offer to update behaviour support plans and invite family insights. This builds trust and shared responsibility.

Regulatory and Legal Considerations

Educators have a legal right to physical and psychological safety under WHS legislation. Services must conduct risk assessments and adjust staffing, environments, or supervision ratios as needed. If violence is linked to suspected abuse or neglect, mandatory reporting obligations apply. The National Law and Regulations, along with your state’s child protection legislation, provide clear guidance.

Supporting Educator Wellbeing

Violent incidents can leave emotional bruises. Debriefing is not optional—it’s essential. Services must offer structured debriefs, access to Employee Assistance Programs (EAP), and peer support. Educators should be encouraged to reflect without shame and to access trauma-informed well-being resources. You are not alone, and you are not to blame.

Violence in early childhood settings is a systemic issue—not a personal one. It demands coordinated, trauma-informed responses that protect children and educators alike. By documenting clearly, engaging families thoughtfully, and advocating for safe staffing and environments, educators uphold their duty of care while modelling relational resilience. You deserve safety, support, and respect—and the sector must rise to meet that standard.