De-escalation Strategies For Violent Behaviour In Young Children

When a child becomes violent in an early childhood setting, de-escalation isn’t just about calming the moment—it’s about protecting safety, preserving dignity, and responding to distress with relational intelligence. Here’s a trauma-informed, regulation-aligned guide to de-escalation strategies for violent behaviour in young children.

De-escalation Strategies For Violent Behaviour In Young Children

1. Create Immediate Safety Without Escalation

Step back calmly to avoid further contact
Use open, non-threatening body language
Avoid restraint unless absolutely necessary and permitted by policy
Signal for support if needed—educators should never be left to manage alone

Tip: Your calm presence is a regulatory anchor. Avoid reacting with shock or anger—even if it’s hard.

2. Use Emotionally Intelligent Language

“I’m going to move back so we can both be safe.”
“I see you’re having a big feeling. I’m here to help.”
“Let’s take some breaths together.”

Keep your tone low, slow, and emotionally neutral. Avoid “Stop!” or “Don’t hit!” during peak escalation.

3. Respect Personal Space and Sensory Needs

Dim lights, reduce noise, and remove overstimulating items
Offer sensory tools (e.g., weighted cushions, fidget items)
Allow the child to choose a quiet space if safe to do so

Co-regulation starts with environmental regulation.

4. Model Calm and Regulated Behaviour

Breathe deeply and visibly
Use slow, intentional movements
Avoid making demands or asking questions during peak escalation

Sometimes silence and presence are more powerful than words.

5. Offer Controlled Choices

“Would you like to sit on the cushion or the mat?”
“Do you want to hold your soft toy or take deep breaths with me?”

Giving agency within safe limits helps restore control and reduce threat perception.

6. Use Visual Supports and Gentle Distractions

Offer picture cards, calming visuals, or familiar objects
Redirect attention with a soft toy, sensory bottle, or quiet activity

? Visual cues can bypass verbal overload and support regulation.

7. Debrief and Reflect Post-Incident

Once calm, gently explore what happened: “That was a hard moment. I’m proud of you for calming down.”
Avoid punishment—focus on restoration and relational repair
Document objectively and update behaviour support plans if needed

De-escalation Strategies For Toddlers, Preschoolers, and School-Age Children

Here's a developmentally attuned breakdown of de-escalation strategies for violent behaviour, tailored to toddlers, preschoolers, and school-age children in early childhood and OSHC settings. Each section reflects trauma-informed practice, relational safety, and real-world sector insight.

Toddlers (1–3 years)

Toddlers are still developing impulse control, emotional vocabulary, and sensory regulation. Violence often stems from frustration, fatigue, or unmet needs.

Key Strategies:

Use simple, soothing language: “You’re safe. I’m here.”
Redirect gently: Offer a soft toy, sensory bottle, or quiet corner
Narrate emotions: “You’re feeling mad. That’s okay. Let’s breathe.”
Avoid verbal overload: Use gestures, visuals, and calm tone
Stay close, but non-threatening: Sit nearby, open posture, soft voice
Offer comfort objects: Familiar blanket, dummy, or transitional item

Tip: Toddlers co-regulate through your presence. Your calm is their anchor.

Preschoolers (3–5 years)

Preschoolers are learning to name emotions, negotiate boundaries, and understand consequences. Violence may reflect difficulty with transitions, peer conflict, or sensory overload.

Key Strategies:

Validate feelings, not behaviour: “It’s okay to feel angry. Hitting hurts.”
Offer choices: “Do you want to sit on the cushion or take a breath with me?”
Use visual cues: Emotion cards, calm corner posters, breathing prompts
Model regulation: “I’m going to take a breath too. Let’s do it together.”
Use social stories post-incident: Reinforce safe behaviour through narrative
Debrief gently: “That was a big moment. You’re not in trouble. Let’s talk.”

Tip: Preschoolers thrive on routine and relational repair. Restore connection before correction.

School-Age Children (5–12 years)

Older children may have more complex triggers—trauma history, neurodivergence, peer dynamics, or academic stress. They may understand rules but struggle to apply them under emotional strain.

Key Strategies:

Use collaborative language: “Let’s figure this out together.”
Offer agency: “Would you like to talk now or take space first?”
Use regulation tools: Journals, sensory kits, music, movement breaks
Avoid public correction: Preserve dignity with private check-ins
Use restorative questions: “What happened? What were you feeling? What can we do next time?”
Involve them in safety planning: Co-create calming strategies and safe spaces

Tip: School-age children respond to respect, predictability, and relational accountability.