Feeling Very Overwhelmed At Work. Help please.

[Miss_Blue]

Hi, I'm new here. First post ever.

I just don't know what to do. Lately I have been so overwhelmed and stressed at work. I dread going to work, feel so depressed and upset at home the night before, to the point I actually cry. I don't want to go or be there. But I have to, I need the money.

It's not even the children. I mean yeah some days it is, but I think that‘s because I am already feeling so overwhelmed and stressed. Mostly it's the other staff. They are so judgemental, pedantic and nit-picky all the time. It's a good centre. For children and parents. It is. But sometimes I feel in their quest to be 'the best' they are putting so much more pressure on the staff. And when I say the staff I mean me I guess. Because everyone else just goes yeah no problems and all I can think is that they are all a bunch of suck ups.

I can't go into details so I guess it doesn't seem so bad from what I have written. But I feel like I can't take any more. I feel like I'm not being a good teacher because I feel so stressed all the time. I feel like an outsider. I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job. I feel like I don't want to work in childcare any more.

And I have thought about trying to get another job, but I just think it will end up being more of the same. Just at a different place.

All the fun has been taken away, all the things I enjoy about childcare are gone. But I'm not qualified for anything else. I've been in childcare my whole adult life.

I don't know what to do.

[hunterchick]

oh hun,

u poor thing! seems like you have a lot of stress you are going through....When I read your post, I can relate to it in a lot of ways...I havent actually talked or told anyone about this before...but I would like to share with you and others now on what I was feeling and going through...I am not sure if you are in the same page as I was, maybe not, but this is what I experienced about 3 years ago...

I was like you, I hated going to work! Its not just the work place I was working with, its any work!! Atleast if it was a problem with just my job, then I would have thought of leaving...But it was something else..I dont know..I basically started giving up. I started thinking where does this take me? Why do I have to work or do something I dont entirely like, just for the sake of money so we can live a life with the things we wanted...at this time, I also started to hate a lot of people. its just the way people act and do. Like you said...a bunch of suck-ups, judgmental doofuses and talks nothing useful or of any good! I think a lot of people are a bunch of idiots who live in their own little world. it is safe to say that i was actually depressed. I hated everyday...the previous night are really bad just thinking about the next day and needing to go work again...and do the same things again!! I was sick of it...The next mornings are even worse. I would want to call in sickie pretty much everyday, but I cant! I want to quit, but I cant afford it. When I think about the reality, it simply makes it worse..but I know deep inside that I have to get on with it...and the bottom line is - I need to have a job! I cant be a hobo..i guess..

I remember feeling depressed at times even before this but that was entirely different. During the time before this, I was having a lot of troubles in my personal life, out of money, made some bad judgement, etc..But this time was different. I still dont know what it is...

Ok..if you are wondering how I moved on, let me say this - it is not a simple answers. I think it works different for each person. Honestly looking back now, I really dont know exactly how I moved on. I actually started thinking and looking at the world a lot different as a matter of time. This is what i did. For one, after putting up with this, I quit my job after a few months. Let me add this, its not that I hated the management at my job. I actually liked the boss..maybe not the staffs..but the work was okay. I was working there for over 5 years, in the end I got sick of the repitative routine of life, getting up going to work everyday, do the same thing at work everyday, same thing after work everyday and so on...in the beginning I was really sacred of change..I didnt want to quit since I was worried - what then? But in the end, I did it anyways. Once I quit, I went away travelling for 1 year full year. Ofcourse, I saved up quite a bit of money so I can afford this travel and no work for 1 year. I am so glad I did it. It gave me a break from my life, made me look at things and the world a lot different. I realised that there are bigger things in life and people with real bigger problems that my problems are nothing compared to them. I started to be happy and content with what I have..I started helping people a lot more without expecting anything back. I started to think a lot more now and its safe to say I am a lot wiser than what I was.

This is when I realised - its completely upto us on how we want to live our life. Many times, we are just scared to make an important decision in life wondering what if things go wrong. We just need to trust our instinct. We can evolve and adjust to what ever situation we are in. I guess thats the benefit we have as humans..the ability to adjust...

So, reading your post, I understand that people at work sucks. Also from the way you are feeling right now, I really think you need a break! you need a break from work, from your life, from your routine...So have you thought of quitting yet? Are you worried about quitting? If you are planning to quit, then please make sure that you plan ahead before you quit though. Sometimes, it can bite you on your back when you do things in haste. So, if you do want to quit, make sure you put some money aside. If you havent got money saved up yet, then plan like this-say the next 3 months you try to save up some money enough to get you going for at least a month after you quit when you are without a job. Make sure you give enough notice at your work and leave the job in a good note. itz just cuz you always need a decent reference when you apply for another job in the future.

Once you do the above, dont start to worry even more wondering what you are going to do next. Give yourself a break now. "Break" doesnt necessarily mean a vacation. It means doing something you really like or enjoy. If you dont want go for a vacation, but just like being at home, reading books, watching tv without interuption, etc..then by all means do that. When I say "give yourself a break", I really mean it..try not to stress out too much thinking and worrying about life, whats going to happen next, and so on...you will start to notice the difference inside you once you are relieved from work. Remember, only you can make a difference in your life...

if you dont want to quit yet, then its fine...but have you considered taking a a temporary break from work atleast?

I think, it doesnt matter what field you work in, you will always come across some wierdos and annoying people..its just not childcare...So try to keep your head up and try and make a change in you...

I don't know what to do.

I always say this....Remember "Its one step at a time"

I am here for you...so hang in there....

Take care..and tell me how you go..

[Miss_Blue]

Hey thanks for your reply!

It's funny that you mentioned depression just from what I wrote, I have diagnosed depression and anxiety. And it is true I just don't want to work at all anymore, I think it's a mixture of my depression and anxiety. The way I have been treated at work and what goes on there.

I do have a "plan” to quit. But it will still be a while I'd say. Which is upsetting in it's self when I want it now.

I just feel...well for lack of better words, like I suck at my job. No matter how hard I try it's not enough.

I also feel like I'm becoming more and more impatient and frustrated more easily with the children. Which is not a good thing, being in this line of work. I do my best not to get this way. But it’s so hard sometimes, especially when I feel as if I have the other staff 'watching' my every move and breathing down my neck at every small mistake.

For example: a child not listening to me and the other teachers telling me I have no behaviour management skills etc.

Given my personality and emotional problems it just make me feel so self conscious and scared of every move I make. I am so unsure of myself it's not funny. I think they think they are helping but they are just making it worse.

Makes me feel like I must get the children to listen to me first go, every time, or they will judge me and think I am crappy at my job. When sometimes it takes a little bit to get a child’s behaviour under control. I know that. But they make me feel like they are these super teachers and I am still a student or something.

Did you go back into childcare after your break?

[hunterchick]

Hi Miss_Blue, wow...there is a lot going on in your life.

From what I understand, I think a lot of the emotions you could be facing can be due to anxiety. Let me give you an example so you can understand what I mean...The reason I think so is because I live with these anxiety as well. But as a matter of time, I am learning to control it. So here we go..First of all, let me say that anxiety does cause a lot of mixed emotions. For instance, when someone really does tell you when you do things wrong, it does make it worse. Even for people without anxiety wont like being told what they do is wrong. thats normal...but I think that anxiety takes it to the next level. This is what sometimes I go through. Sometimes I tend to take such incidents as really embarassing and I start to become really anxious. My heart starts to pump faster and even hours after the incident (sometimes even days), flashes of these moments appears on my thoughts and it makes be anxious and uncomfortable again. It makes other things worse too since it slowly start to affect our emotions causing fear, uneasiness and worry.

Well..I am not a doctor, but I do learn from my experience. Now a days a lot of doctors term "Depression and Anxiety" as some kind of a disease. But I dont think it is..Its just that each people are different and some people tend to be more emotional and sensitive in some aspects. People react to emotions in different ways and for us we can say we are very anxious people and look at things a little different and hence changing the way we feel or react.

This feeling also tends to give some kind of inferiotic complex in youself..(ooh..I am using big words..lol) and thats why we sometimes think that "maybe what I am doing is wrong", "I wonder what people are going to say or think of me", "I hope I dont embarass myself or do something wrong", "Why is that person looking at me, is something wrong"...its like the thoughts are never ending..its always something or the other that worries us. This is because, I think people with anxiety are a lot more sensitive to some things. The only way I was able to manage these is by diverting my thoughts straight away as soon as these thoughts gets into my head. Sometimes I just start humming or think of song or think of whatever that changes my thoughts. I still do it a million times everyday cuz I have to..I have learnt to live these emotions and try to balance my everyday life. If I fail to distract myself during these thinking process, thats the time I start to think too much and worry myself over it. If that happens to you, just tell yourself "Listen, its no big deal..who cares.." and just move on..It is a slow process but you will learn to control these slowly as a matter of time.

Alright now I have shared my experience in dealing with anxiousness, I also want to ask you this: how long have you been dealing with this? Sometimes its just not the anxiety that causes troubles, it could even be your colleagues. When they talk to you, do they put you down or do they talk to you politely atleast? Did you have this problem at other places you worked before? Have you talked to your director on how you feel and how the other staffs makes you feel? If you havent spoken to your director about your problems yet, I think it is time to. A lot of time, misunderstanding and miscommunication at workplace causes troubles and stress for a lot of people. So, once you address your concerns (ofcourse in a polite and in a professional manner), people tend to understand or atleast change their way of approach after knowing that you are sensitive.

It is hard to hold your emotions back but you have to try and put a game face on everytime you go to work. You should try not to take it out on the children at all. I know that it is easier said than done. But I am sure you already know that you have to..It wont happen overnight, but it is a process. If you do want to learn some tips on examples of scenarios you have faced and not sure how to handle, then simply write on our forum as we will help you out. The reason I am saying this is sometimes when you feel like this at work and also when other staffs are always keeping an eye on you, it is hard to go up to them and ask what you can do to handle that scenario. I know L.A in this forum will definetely will help you (she is my collegue). I think she is exceptionally good with children and can give you an idea on how to change your approach just in case if you are not sure how to deal with something. Even other members and our support team will be happy to help you out..So just dont hold back..Just start a new topic when you need help..Life is all about learning and it never ends..

Did you go back into childcare after your break?

I actually did. But now I also do a lot other things that keeps me busy..

[fchaudari76]

Sorry didnt have time to read everything as I am in a bit of a hurry but my personal philosophy is if you are THAT unhappy its time to take a break and re-evaluate things.
Either the break will just give you some you-time and you will go back to work feeling less-stressed etc or the break will make you realise you do not want to work there anymore and try finding somewhere else.
I have been in a position overseas where I was desperately unhappy, I loved the children and staff but the management was shocking and they only saw negatives and berrated staff rudely at staff meetings. The lack of appreciation and respect was making me and a lot of staff unhappy.
I pretty much decided to leave that place so I did and I was happier for it.
I also had a similar experience here in Australia, the Director was never around and I was left pretty much running the place and trying to teach at the same time. It reached a point where I just was a wreck... I started looking for a new job and moved once I did, again I was much happier

I hope by now you are feeling better about things

xxx

[Miss_Blue]

Hi, thank you both for commenting. Sorry I was MIA there for a while.

I want to leave. I just can't at the moment. If I could leave I would have walked out long before this. And if I went to a new centre I'm sure it would just be the same thing in a different place. I am a nervous anxious person. Thats just who I am.

HunterChick, I have been at this centre several years And I used to feel quite happy there. Things have just gotten worse over time. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for around 9 years.

Of course I don't take it 'out' on the children. I just feel like I get over whelmed way easier then I use to with them, it's like the longer I stay in childcare the more I lose myself.

I feel like everyone is so fake and I am turning that way too or something. That I'm not a person, that none of my needs and opinions matter because I'm not a child or family using the service. I have to do things that upset and scare me wether I want to or not. And I do, do my best to get through, but I guess that's the problem. My best isn't good enough.

I guess it all sounds silly and whiny. That's why I have just been keeping it to myself. I feel like I sound like a big baby. But I can't help my feelings.

I don't think there is anything that can help me really. Not at the moment.

[dulciean]

Dear miss Blue
I just had to reply after reading your heart-wrenching post. I trust you have the support of a counsellor/ someone trained to assist you. I am not a counsellor, but I feel for you and your sadness and despair. Life can get so overwhelming and challenging. Many of us struggle with depressive/anxiety related illness. It really taints so many parts of ourselves and our relationships. One of my mantras is "this too shall pass"...take each day,hour,minute as it comes. Breathe, be kind to yourself. Am sure you have friends/family who love you. Remember- " you are a child of the universe". You have a right to wellness and a place on this earth. Take care- yes I am a stranger but I am thinking of you . Sarah x

[fchaudari76]

Miss_Blue
You said you have to do things that upset or scare you. May I ask what type of things? If it is something you are not comfortable doing eg because you feel its not legal/ethical you need to speak to your Director. If it is something that you feel you do not have proper training to deal with perhaps ask the Director if there are any extra courses you can undertake or some extra info to help you out.

Life is hard, don't be hard on yourself, if you need support you can seek it out. I think most work places are happy to refer you to a councelling service if you are stressed etc .... it takes a stronger person to admit they need help and seek it out than to just try and 'deal with it'

For a while I thought of councelling as I was finding it hard too but that was because I suffer from Infertility and probably will never have children. This sometimes really affects me in the workplace where I look after, love & care for other peoples children on a daily basis. Sometimes though all I need is a bit of time out and time to be nice to myself.

I hope you feel better soon hun *hugs*
If you need to talk off the main forum please PM me I am always happy to listen... sometimes it helps to talk to someone ....Im not just saying that, I have too suffered from depression in my early 20s so I do understand... so please feel free to contact me
xxx

[Misse84]

So sorry to hear that Miss Blue. I had depression and I am still prone to it. Sometimes work is so hard and I feel tired all the time.

Sorry if I missed it somewhere , but is childcare what you want to do ? sometimes we lose the passion and it is Ok. If your depression is really so bad reduce your hours if you can and I think centrelink helps out if your depression makes you unable to work . I know it is hard because of money but your health is more important.xx

[beagle.kate]

Hi there,

Bubella is correct about Centrelink helping. Depression often causes it's sufferers to feel overwhelmed, anxious and exhausted when working - or functioning every day sometimes! In order for Centrelink to help with the financial needs in your life, you need to see your psychiatrist (or get a referral to one if you don't have one right now) and they need to write a Centrelink Medical Certificate stating that you are unfit for work. Unfortunately, you will need to meet with Cenrelink and maybe even a side agency that specialises in getting people back to work. This can sometimes be confronting and anxiety provoking, but taking a support person along to these meetings helps. If you're denied payment upon first request there are always other channels to go down with appeals etc - but let's not get into that until needed!

From these posts I would agree that at least reducing your hours is the right thing to do. Working on like this could cause your depression to get worse and that's not what any of us want!

Let us know how you're doing. Updates are always welcome here!

Hang in there - it'll be ok.

[Miss_Blue]

I have seen a psychologist, and a counsellor at different times.

It’s not anything illegal or unethical, it’s just things that when I am having a very anxious day I find very difficult to do. And the other staff don’t really understand that. I mean I do what I have to do. I'm not shirking my job responsibilities. But it's a real struggle sometimes to get through certain things. My director knows I suffer depression and anxiety.

I can’t really reduce my hours more then I have and Centrelink won’t just help it’s a big long thing to get help form them. I recently helped a loved one get the pension and its quiet hard.

And yeah I guess my passion for childcare is gone. But it’s the only thing I am capable of doing that earns money. I’d be a nervous wreck even more in another industry/job. All my confidence in myself is gone. I can’t start over somewhere new and I cant stay here. I just feel stuck.

Thanks for your help guys. I guess I’ll just keep doing my best in this situation until I can leave.

[Miss_Blue]

Sorry, Beagle.kate, I just saw your reply. I know a lot about the process of the pension. As i said above I just helped a loved one through it all. And they have worse mental health problems then me. So I know they wouldn't give it to me.

Thanks though.

[fchaudari76]

Maybe if you find working in a childcare centre too much don't do that and just do some private babysitting or child-minding instead. You will still be earning some money and it won't be as stressful as you won't have a room full of kids.
It may be a rubbish idea but just thought it could be an option
I do hope u manage to find some way to get yourself out of a situation that makes you anxious and stressed
*hugs*

[Miss_Blue]

Thanks

Something to think about I guess.

[fchaudari76]

No worries, perhaps even family day care that you can run out of your own home? less kids, home environment also maybe easier on you
Good Luck with everything

[Miss_Blue]

I actually have thought about home daycare, but where I live it's not a possibilty at the moment. I wish it were because I would do it.

[fchaudari76]

ok, well perhaps just look into child-minding for now... there is no point in putting yourself under pressure & stress ... if the job is not suiting you I think you should leave. Your health is the most important thing and nothing is worth losing your health or peace of mind over

[hunterchick]

Hi Miss_Blue,

How are you holding on...

And if I went to a new centre I'm sure it would just be the same thing in a different place. I am a nervous anxious person. Thats just who I am.

I can see that you are wise and understand your emotional stability. Fair enough...when you are naturally a nervous anxious person, there is not much you can do to change that since thats part of you..But what you can do is try and control these emotional factors so it doesnt get to you so much..The reason you are feeling this way is cuz I think your natural anxiousness is beginning to take an effect on your psychological thinking and behaviour. Sometimes this happens over a long period of time and it is normally due to many different factors that happen in your entire life over a period. I think thats why people normally recommend counselling cuz they suggest different ways you can handle these emotions. Honestly I have never been to counsellor since I think I can handle my emotions my own way..but if it helps you, then why not! Listen, I know I might have mentioned this before - but I know exactly what you are going through...its just that I have learnt to live with it now!

HunterChick, I have been at this centre several years And I used to feel quite happy there. Things have just gotten worse over time. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for around 9 years.

There is one very easy solution for this..."YOU NEED A BREAK"! You dont need to quit...just a break from work should do it. It might not be soo easy when you are concerned about the money, but I am sure you might have accumulated some annual leave over the years..havent you? Just take atleast 1-2 weeks off work and trust me when I say this - "You will notice a big difference after this". Hun, going to work when you feel like this already is not going to make things any better...on the contrary it might make it worse. Its a clear sign that you need to take a break. Working for too long without a break is never good. You need to balance your work life and your personal life where you need to take time off work for yourself! This way, you dont feel these immense pressure on your shoulder. If not, the worries are just going to keep increasing..

I want to leave. I just can't at the moment. If I could leave I would have walked out long before this.

You don’t need to quit...like you said, if you do quit and go somewhere else, what can you do if you are feeling the same way?? All you need it time off work like I said before..

I feel like everyone is so fake and I am turning that way too or something.

lol....I always think that too! People have different sides and I think a lot of people put on an act when in public! I think thats because of the society and people needing to blend in the way a society expects it to be. I feel that people create an image on how they want to be and it appears like they are so fake the way they act or behave sometimes...well..its deep, its part of human personalities..

I can’t really reduce my hours more then I have and Centrelink won’t just help it’s a big long thing to get help form them. I recently helped a loved one get the pension and its quiet hard.

I realise that sometimes getting support from centrelink can be a nightmare due to the requirements and regulations. But these rules are just there so that people dont take advantage of the benefits from centrelink. But I think, if you are able to get a doctor certificate clearly stating that you are not fit for work, say for the next 2 months, and then complete the required forms and documentations from centrelink, then I cant think of a reason on why they wont support you! Its not going to be big money, but atleast its something that can help you out. Why dont you call them or go to a centre and have a chat with them about your situation? I know you said that you had a bad experience trying to get pension for your friend, but you still need to try if you have no other options. At the same time, I also understand that having to go through these applications and all when you are already feeling like this can be a nightmare. but if it needs to be done, it gotta be done. See how you go since you will be a better judge of it..

I can see that there are a lot of people who are concerned about you and happy to help and support you here in this forum. So yeah...dont hold back..let us know if something is bothering you and if you want to talk to someone about it..we are here for you..Dont think that you might be sounding all silly or whiny..everyone are whiners at some point..lol..

Take care....