Self-Talk To Support Self-Regulation

Self-talk is a powerful tool for helping children manage their emotions and behaviors. When used intentionally, it can guide children through tricky moments by giving them the language to pause, reflect, and choose a response. The following article provides information on Why It Works, What Are The Psychological Benefits Of Self-Talk, How to Encourage It, Examples of Self-Talk For Young Children, Activities to Support Self-Talk and more.

Why It Works

Self-talk helps children:

Recognize and name their emotions.
Pause before reacting impulsively.
Reframe negative thoughts into positive or neutral ones.
Build confidence and resilience.

What Are The Psychological Benefits Of Self-Talk

Self-talk—our internal dialogue—can be a quiet superpower when it comes to mental well-being. Here’s how it supports us psychologically:

Improved emotional regulation: Positive self-talk helps us manage stress, anxiety, and frustration by offering a calming inner voice that reframes challenges.
Boosted self-esteem and confidence: Encouraging internal dialogue reinforces a sense of capability and self-worth, especially in high-pressure situations.
Enhanced resilience: It helps us bounce back from setbacks by shifting focus from failure to growth—“I can learn from this” instead of “I’m terrible at this”.
Better problem-solving and focus: Talking ourselves through tasks can improve concentration and decision-making, especially during complex or unfamiliar activities.
Reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression: Positive self-talk can act as a buffer against negative thought spirals, offering a more balanced and hopeful perspective.

How to Encourage It

Model it yourself: Narrate your own calming strategies aloud (“I’m feeling a bit stressed, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”).
Use visuals: Create posters or cue cards with calming phrases.
Practice during play: Role-play scenarios where characters use self-talk to solve problems.
Reinforce it: Praise children when they use positive self-talk (“I noticed you told yourself to stay calm—great job!”).

Examples of Self-Talk For Young Children

Everyday Positive Self-Talk for Young Children

“I can do hard things.”
“It’s okay to ask for help.”
“I made a mistake, but I can try again.”
“I’m a kind friend.”
“I can wait my turn.”
“I feel mad, but I can calm down.”

Self-Talk for Challenging Moments

When frustrated: “I’m feeling big feelings. I can take deep breaths.”
When scared: “I am safe. I can be brave.”
When trying something new: “I’ve never done this before, but I can give it a go.”
When separating from a parent: “Mummy/Daddy will come back. I’ll be okay.”

Creative Ways to Reinforce It

Make a “self-talk mirror” where children decorate a mirror with positive phrases.
Use puppets or dolls to model self-talk in pretend play.
Create a “calm-down box” with visual cards of self-talk phrases and breathing tools.

Activities to Support Self-Talk

1. Mirror Talk Time

Children look into a mirror and say something kind to themselves. You can prompt with phrases like:

“I am a good friend.”
“I can try again.”

Make it playful by decorating the mirror with affirmations or using a puppet to “talk” first.

2. Affirmation Puzzle

Write positive phrases on puzzle pieces. As children assemble the puzzle, they read each piece aloud. This reinforces both literacy and self-esteem.

3. Self-Talk Art

Invite children to draw themselves doing something brave or kind. Add a speech bubble with a self-talk phrase like “I can do this!” or “I’m proud of me.”

4. Calm-Down Cards

Create a set of visual cards with self-talk phrases and calming strategies (e.g., “I can breathe slowly,” “I can ask for help”). Keep them in a “calm corner” for children to use when upset.

5. Sing It Out

Turn affirmations into simple songs or chants. For example:

“I am strong, I am kind, I can use my brilliant mind!”

Music helps embed the language of self-talk in memory and makes it fun.

6. Storytime Reflections

After reading a book, ask:

“What could the character say to feel better?”
“What would you say if you were in that situation?”

7. Self-Talk Dice Game

Create a large foam die with different self-talk prompts on each side (e.g., “Say something kind about yourself,” “What can you say when you feel nervous?”). Children roll and respond—great for group time!

8. Backpack of Brave Thoughts

Children decorate a paper “backpack” and fill it with cut-out cards of brave or kind self-talk phrases. They can “pack” it before a big day or transition.

9. Feelings & Phrases Matching

Create cards with emotions (e.g., sad, excited, worried) and matching self-talk phrases. Children match them and role-play how to use the phrase in real life.

10. Self-Talk Karaoke

Use a microphone (real or pretend) and let children “perform” positive phrases. Add music or echo-style chants to make it fun and memorable.

11. Thought Detective

Introduce the idea of being a “thought detective”—spotting unhelpful thoughts and replacing them with helpful ones. Use magnifying glasses and mystery-themed play to explore this.

12. Photo Affirmation Wall

Take photos of children holding signs with their favorite self-talk phrases. Display them in a “Wall of Strength” to reinforce identity and pride.

13. Build-a-Story with Self-Talk

Tell a story together where the main character faces a challenge. Pause and ask, “What could they say to themselves right now?” Let children guide the character’s inner voice.