Holding your hand all day

[Roxy C]

I would like some advice on how to respond to a new 3 year old in a centre that wants to hold hands all day. Would you distract her with an activity, explain you need your hand to help all the children in the room, or would you continue to hold her hand until she is ready and confident enough to let go?

[rosie.]

Hi Roxy,

If it were me, I'd try a combination of things and see what happens. Maybe start by trying to get her involved in an activity. If she gets upset about letting go, try explaining - but she may not care! You could try a compromise like if she lets your hand go you will sit with her while she does painting, or whatever it might be. That might work and gradually she will gain more confidence. You could gradually work up to only holding hands during outside play, which would probably be more practical. Just remember to follow through with whatever you say, so you gain trust.
I see you posted this last week, how's she going now?

Rosie

[Roxy C]

Thamks Rosie I have not seen her this week but I will definitely try your suggestions and I thought maybe I could get her to be my helper for the day so she feels connected but might need her hand back to do some helping.

[rosie.]

Yeah that's a good idea as she will still get to be with you, just not be attached! Good luck with it and let me know how you go. She should settle in soon

[Roxy C]

I hope so too.

[fchaudari76]

I have had a few new ones do this in the past. My compromise was they could sit next to me, near me, even in my lap (in the beginning) but I needed to have my hands free to help other children and explained this clearly to the children.
In time the children got familiar with other staff, made friends etc and all was well

[Lorina]

The reason why this child wants to hold your hand is because she has confidence with you and has developed trust towards you. Yes, it can be hard to hold hands all the time but I don't think it's appropriate to just dismiss it all together. Since she is 3 years old, you can explain that you're not able to hold hands all the time however, instead you should spend time with this child until she settles in. Introduce her to other children, interact with her, get her involved in small group activities. Build up her confidence with others, that's the most important.

Hope this helps,

,
L.A