When Leadership Lies: Navigating Distress in a Dysfunctional Early Childhood Workplace

Starting in a new early childhood setting should feel hopeful, energising, and full of possibility. Instead, some educators walk into environments where the culture is already fractured, where misinformation, inconsistency, and unprofessional behaviour have been normalised.

One of the most destabilising experiences is working under a leader who lies. When a deputy manager or senior educator fabricates information about children, families, or staff, it creates a workplace where trust collapses and psychological safety disappears.

This article explores why this behaviour is so harmful, how it impacts educators, and what practical steps you can take to protect yourself, uphold your professionalism, and make informed decisions about your future.

Why Dishonesty in Leadership Is So Damaging

A deputy manager who lies about:

what children did or said
what parents supposedly reported
what staff allegedly said or did
policies and procedures
expectations and rules

…creates a culture where nothing is reliable.

In early childhood education, accuracy is not optional. It affects:

child safety
documentation
family communication
compliance
team cohesion
your professional reputation

When a leader lies, it forces educators into a constant state of uncertainty. You begin second-guessing yourself, your colleagues, and even your own memory. This is not a personal weakness it’s a predictable response to a psychologically unsafe environment.

The Emotional Impact on Educators

Working with a dishonest leader can lead to:

chronic stress
hypervigilance
self‑doubt
fear of being blamed
confusion about expectations
exhaustion from managing conflict

You may find yourself thinking:

“I can’t trust anything I’m told.”
“I don’t know what’s real.”
“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.”
“I’m scared she’ll lie about me next.”

These reactions are normal. They are signs that your internal alarm system is working.

Why “That’s Just How She Is” Is a Red Flag

When staff say, “That’s just how she is,” they’re not describing a personality quirk they’re describing a normalised dysfunction.

It usually means:

previous staff tried to raise concerns and nothing changed
leadership has tolerated the behaviour
the culture has adapted around the problem instead of addressing it
people have given up trying to fix it

This is not a healthy or safe environment for educators or children.

What You Can Do to Protect Yourself

1. Document Everything

Keep factual, neutral notes:

dates
times
what was said
what actually happened
who witnessed it

This protects you if you are ever blamed, misquoted, or questioned.

2. Follow Written Policies—Not Verbal Instructions

If she gives you instructions that contradict policy, you can say:

“I just want to double‑check the policy so I’m consistent with what’s required.”

This keeps you aligned with regulations and protects your professional integrity.

3. Shift Communication Into Writing

Where possible:

ask for clarification via email
confirm instructions in writing
keep copies of key communications

This reduces the risk of being misrepresented.

4. Seek Support Above Her Level

If the behaviour continues despite being raised, you may need to speak with:

the centre manager
the approved provider
HR (if applicable)

You don’t need to accuse her of lying. You can frame it professionally:

“I’m receiving conflicting information from the deputy manager and the written policies, and I want to ensure I’m following correct procedures.”

This keeps the focus on compliance, not conflict.

5. Protect Your Emotional Boundaries

You are not responsible for fixing her behaviour.
You are responsible for:

your wellbeing
your professionalism
your safety

Limit emotional investment. Keep interactions brief, factual, and neutral.

When It’s Time to Consider Leaving

You don’t have to stay in an environment that harms you.
Ask yourself:

Is this sustainable for my mental health
Can I do my best work here
Is leadership willing to change
Do I feel safe and respected

If the answer is no, leaving is not failure it’s self‑protection.

Many educators in similar situations have left and immediately felt relief, clarity, and renewed confidence. A workplace where leadership lies is not a “personality clash”; it’s a breach of trust, professionalism, and safety. You deserve to work in an environment where communication is honest, policies are followed, and leadership models integrity.

Whether you choose to stay and protect yourself with strong boundaries or decide that leaving is the healthier option, your feelings are valid and your wellbeing matters.