Child not settling into care

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ozchez
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Child not settling into care

Post by ozchez » Fri Feb 15, 2013 7:28 am

I work in the 2-3 years toddler room and we have a new child who speaks Cantonese (understands very little or no English and speaks only Cantonese) who is not settling into care whatsoever. She had 2.5 weeks of orientation with her mum and then with her grandmothers but they did not leave the room nor her side. If they left her side or left the room she would cry and run between the bathroom door and the main entrance door to the room trying to get out or she would go up to staff or children and take them by the hand and get them to open the door which of course did not happen. When she officially started care 2 weeks ago (2 days a week) she is dropped off by the grandmothers (who dont speak English either) and then they wait out in the office for a short time before going home. They return after 3 hours or so to see how she is doing and usually take her home. All the child does is walk between the doors in the room and tries to get anyone (staff or children) to open the door. She will not attempt to play with any of the toys and we can't distract her to these, she will not eat or drink anything even when we asked the parents to supply something familiar from home but still doesn't eat or drink, she cries the whole time she is there. Parents have brought in a comfort item but she refuses this also. To get her to sleep she will only sleep in my arms and then wakes up if she is transferred to a bed. If she does sleep its because she cries herself to sleep and then it is only for 20-30 minutes. We have tried different words/phrases in Cantonese to talk to her but we're either not saying it correctly or she just isn't listening. We are fast becoming at a loss as to how else we can try to help her settle in


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fchaudari76
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Re: Child not settling into care

Post by fchaudari76 » Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:34 pm

I think during the orientation the parents should have been made to leave the room after a few days, leave her for an hour take her home. Next few days leave her for a few hours take her home.
Having them there constantly for over 2 weeks and then now she is being left all alone has probably thrown her as she probably just thought they would stay with her like they did before.
Unfortunately I think you are just going to have to keep at it and have her go after a few hours and build it up slowly.
Make sure she is clearly told by whoever she understands that she will be there for a little while and EXACTLY when they will come and get her.
I have had a child who was the same, except was a different nationality and a month in and she is well settled and happy.

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Re: Child not settling into care

Post by kdUK » Fri Feb 15, 2013 2:14 pm

Sorry to hear you're having so much trouble. In the UK I worked in a university centre where 75% of the children are not English, some of them having 2 or even 3 languages. This was a common occurrence with children and their families that come from overseas. Sometimes these families would arrive on the Saturday and be starting their courses on the Monday so often children would be thrown in without any orientation!

I agree with Fefe that the parents should had left the room during orientation as this would reassure the child that they would come back. After 2 weeks of having them there the whole time she has grown used to having them in the room & it must seem pretty scary when they suddenly leave.

All you can do is persevere and continue to do what you're doing. Encourage her parents/grandparents to be clear about when & who will be picking her up and make sure that they say goodbye. If she wants to sit by the door let her, bring toys to her and let her play in her own time. Once she realises that her parents will be back curiosity will get the better of her and she will want to interact with you and the other children. As hard as it may be and goes against everything you know, try as much as possible to ignore the crying & just sit and talk about everything you are doing. I had a russian boy who was exactly the same. He used to just stand by the door and cry & would take people there to open it for him. I just sat next to him with toys I knew he liked and played. I described what I was doing and other children would come and join in. Eventually he would join in for a minute then cry again. Gradually I moved the toys away from the door. It took about 6-8 weeks for him to be fully settled but he only did 1 day so it was hard!

Good luck & don't give up. Your hard work will pay off :) x

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ozchez
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Re: Child not settling into care

Post by ozchez » Sat Feb 16, 2013 3:21 pm

Thanks for your replies. In regards to the orientation period we constantly asked the mother (who does speak English and who also works in a different child care centre) to leave the room for short periods but as soon as her child would cry she would divert straight back to her and not leave her again. We also have a communication book which we write in so that her parents can read it at home as to how she was during the day. We are direct with what we write in it as we don't believe they should be told she is settling etc when she isnt. In this book we have asked for a meeting to be scheduled so we can try and set up some strategies but are yet to have a reply yet as the child doesnt return to care until mon.

It was nice to hear that you both feel that we are doing all that we can at this stage and to feel that we are not alone in this situation.

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dulciean
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Re: Child not settling into care

Post by dulciean » Tue Feb 19, 2013 2:44 pm

Hi ozchez
I too am familiar with now hard it is to try and help a child like this who is so distressed and unsettled. I posted in another thread about my experiences. I agree it sounds like you are doing all you can to support her and trying to make her transition to care less overwhelming.
I have been told by some parents of Asian heritage that they feel putting their children in care is a good way of teaching them English- the children however find the experience very daunting and I'm not sure i agree with this approach! Time and patience should get you through in the end- you are certainly not alone!

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ozchez
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Re: Child not settling into care

Post by ozchez » Tue Feb 19, 2013 3:38 pm

Thanks for your reply dulciean. It is nice to know that we are not the only ones having difficulty.

We did have a break through yesterday where she only cried for short 5-10 minute periods and actually ate some afternoon tea with the other children... things may be getting better. She also attempted to play with another girl too.

greenly

Re: Child not settling into care

Post by greenly » Sun Apr 28, 2013 5:00 pm

It is nice to know that we are not the only ones having difficulty.

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