Getting daughter to fasten her jacket up?

[linsaa fdc]

Hi, Me again. I just took a look at your profile and saw you live in London. No wonder fastening her jacket is such a big thing for you. Here in Queensland Australia it doesn't really matter if they don't want to wear one even in winter. Try what I suggested with the morning routine. As Lorina said let her know beforehand what is going to happen, like the day before and remind her before she goes bed. Be enthusiastic and hopefully this will work for you.
What is the temperature over there today?
Linsaa fdc

[Scottish Joan]

3C.

[linsaa fdc]

That's really cold.

[Scottish Joan]

Yeah which is why I want her jacket fastened up (zip and velcro not one or the other; plus it gets fastened to the top) in order to keep her warm/dry.

Some parents look at me and Rhona and think we are mad for making her dress to much but then again, I look around at their kids and see only t-shirts on them and really feel sorry for the child as they are shivering, I just think to myself "come on, it only takes seconds to put a jacket on your child and then fasten it up".

[linsaa fdc]

T-shirts in 3c, that's crazy. Persevere you are on the right track.

[Scottish Joan]

She was the same this morning and after School.

It was only 2C this time yet she would not fasten her jacket and unfastened it everytime that I fastened it, even threats of early bed didn't work so after 5 times of having to refasten the jacket, I took her hand and said "if you are going to unfasten the zip everytime I fasten it then I am going to take your hand so that it stays fastened.

Her excuse for wanting it left open was "my friends get to keep their jackets open".


I am really contemplating a reward chart and if her jacket gets (AND STAYS) fastened every day, on way to and back from School then she gets a treat at weekend, most likely to be going to cinema for a film of her choice.

Would that work or is that slight blackmail for getting her to fasten the jacket?

[Lorina]

There is nothing wrong with using a reward chart! If it works then you should use it!

I used a sticker chart for potty training my 20 month old and it worked like a charm. I didn't do the whole "earn 10 stickers and we buy you something..." because she doesn't understand that concept. So, instead every time she did a wee she got a sticker for every poo she got 2 stickers... It worked very well and only used this system for a month now I don't use it and she doesn't ask and she is completely potty trained.

My point is, if a reward chart gets her to keep her jacket on then by all means do it! You could do something like for every 10 stickers she gets a small prize (chocolate, a new pen, novelty items etc. she can choose one) and for every 20 stickers she gets a big prize (dinner of her choice, outing of her choice etc.).

Hope this helps,

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

What response should I have used when she moaned about her "friends being allowed outside with wide open jackets"?

[Lorina]

Maybe something like... I'm sure that their mums are just as worried about them getting cold like I am for you. I just want you to keep nice and warm and prevent you from getting sick... I would really appreciate it if you keep your jacket zipped and closed while playing outside....

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

She was very cheeky to her friends parents today regarding playing outside and keeping her jacket fastened.

She went round to a friends house to meet up with a few other friends and the rule in that house is "jackets have to be fastened and closed whilst playing outside and then off in the front porch", Rhona went into the house with muddy shoes having walked on muddy grass so she got a telling off for that to which she said "f*** off, I can walk in with my shoes on if I like", she then got a row 20mins later because when they came back from swingpark, she had come in with mud on her jumper which had been dripping onto the floor, she was asked "why was your jacket not closed, you know that is the rule so you can wipe up the mud, again she said "NO, your house so you wipe the floor and, if I want my jacket wide open then it will bloody well stay open".

Lets just say that this friend is no longer friends with Rhona due to fact that she was nasty to that friends parents.

Once daddy had heard about that, she got a big, big row, grounded for a fortnight and sent to her bed early so just now she is crying and asking for hugs from me to which I am ignoring but I did calmly speak to her regarding the behaviour earlier on.

I can see this fastening the jacket issue lasting longer than I would like.

I don't want to spoil my relationship with both OH and Rhona and Rhona's relationship with daddy but do need to sort out the jacket issue so that she doesn't lose anymore friends (it is only one friend she lost today but she is heartbroken because she knows that friend won't be friends again, even if Rhona apologises).

[Lorina]

Yeah that behaviour is not acceptable and she should not speak to any parent like that for that matter. She needs to respect others and what she said to the parent is totally out of line. So, she needs to be punished for it. Also maybe she could write an apology to her friends parent for the way she had spoken to them. She may have lost one friend however others may not invite her around to their house because of the way she acted.

Maybe you're going to have to say something like: if you don't fasten up your jacket you can't go and play outside. It seems a bit extreme but everything else you have tried doesn't seem to be working so I guess it has to come to this. She goes from home to school and back and then she has to stay inside until she fastens her jacket...

I know you already have spoken to Rhona about her behaviour but once she settles and calms down over the next day or so you should have a talk with her again. She should never speak to others the way she did and she needs to understand that...

Bring on the heat! Lol!

,
Lorina

[linsaa fdc]

Hi ScottishJoan,
I agree with Lorina and would absolutely get Rhona to apologize to her friends parents and her friend.
You need to get very firm with her. You are going to have similar issues all through her school life with other children being able to do things that your child won't be allowed to do and if you don't get this issue sorted it will continue and escalate. There will always be something, whether its how much junk food they are allowed to eat. My kids were allowed one processed thing a day in their lunch box like a muesli bar etc, other kids lunchboxes were full of junk. Or it will be how come other kids are allowed to hang out at the shopping centre on a Thursday night, mine were not, they could have their friends over on the weekend.
You need to stick to your word, no zipped jacket, then no outside, no matter how much she cries or mucks up. Make sure you and Dad are both on the same page and stick to your word. Get it sorted while she is still young, believe me, I had four teenagers at the same time, if you don't sort it out now it will only get worse.
Linsaa fdc

[Scottish Joan]

Thanks Lorina and Linsaa fdc .

Me and daddy spoke to Rhona in afternoon and have told her to apologise to the friend and friends parents at Schoolgate, Rhona agreed to this and did apologise to us saying that "it was a heat of the moment rant because she didn't appreciate being shouted at by anyone that isn't her parents".

Me and daddy did stick to our word though so grounding still stands (which upset Rhona).

We have also told her what you suggested, its a fastened jacket or else no outside so, when she wanted out to swingpark we put that into practice but she challenged it, until she realised that we were serious, so after 5mins sulking, she eventually fastened the jacket and put her hood up but OH discovered that only velcro was fastened so he said "nice try but until zip is tied too, you stay inside", she immediately unvelcroed the jacket, tied the zip AND velcro and went out to park for 45mins.

We have also written out a reward chart for morning routine and if everything on the chart gets completed all week, then there will be a treat on Saturday (out for lunch).

The list is something like this:-

0800- Wake up, get washed, hair and teeth brushed and dressed for School.
0825- Be downstairs for Breakfast
0830- Pack Schoolbag for the day (pencils, books and lunchbox)
0835- Shoes on and tied (come to me if you need help), jacket on and zipped up fully, hood up and gloves on.
0840- Be outdoor and on way to School.

I will not punish her if she needs help tying her shoes or jacket or if she leaves jacket open on a nice pleasant day.

[linsaa fdc]

That's fantastic, hopefully Rhona will figure it out soon. Kids are very smart and if they think they are going to get away with something if they persevere they will.
Little 4 and 7 year old sibling girls I look after always tell me that if they keep asking their Mum for something and stamp their feet that eventually she gives in. Cheeky girls because they do everything I ask of them and they never have tantrums for me. I say to them why do they do that, Mummy works very hard and she is tired at the end of the day, they say because they want what they want.
I also would not punish Rhona if she needs help.
Just a thought, do you think waking Rhona up a bit earlier than 8 so her morning routine isn't so rushed would make a difference?
Hope it warms up for you soon
Linsaa fdc

[Lorina]

Awesome news that you stuck to your guns and Rhona is finally listening! The reward chart is a great idea and I think it will help Rhona in the morning to get into a consistent routine. Things are starting to look up! Yay!

Hopefully the week goes well and Rhona gets her treat on Saturday!

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

That's fantastic, hopefully Rhona will figure it out soon. Kids are very smart and if they think they are going to get away with something if they persevere they will.
Little 4 and 7 year old sibling girls I look after always tell me that if they keep asking their Mum for something and stamp their feet that eventually she gives in. Cheeky girls because they do everything I ask of them and they never have tantrums for me. I say to them why do they do that, Mummy works very hard and she is tired at the end of the day, they say because they want what they want.
I also would not punish Rhona if she needs help.
Just a thought, do you think waking Rhona up a bit earlier than 8 so her morning routine isn't so rushed would make a difference?
Hope it warms up for you soon
Linsaa fdc

As I posted in my topic regarding parents bundling up their kids, I now get Rhona up at 0745 instead of 0800 but she gets narky for over 20mins due to still being tired or half asleep still so she narks at me when I set out her uniform and then rush her to brush her hair (she gets very narky still because hairbrush tugs at her hair), and then rush her for breakfast.

By time she is getting ready for School she has livened up a lot and gets very energetic lol.

So, my next step (which may be very tricky) is getting her to walk to school with her friends instead of hand in hand with me (I really don't mind this tbh).

One thing about wee Rhona is, she is very loving, caring and helpful, she likes loads of hugs and kisses throughout day and also likes sitting on my knee (daddy not so keen though as it makes her a "baby") plus she cares for her friends an awful lot, if they need comforting, she is first one to comfort them .

[Lorina]

Have you tried using an alarm clock to help get Rhona up? Set up for 7:30am so it plays music (the radio) then by the time you wake her up at 7:45am she is half awake already...

Rhona sounds like a sweetie pie! It's nice to have a child who is very caring and helpful!

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

Have you tried using an alarm clock to help get Rhona up? Set up for 7:30am so it plays music (the radio) then by the time you wake her up at 7:45am she is half awake already...

Rhona sounds like a sweetie pie! It's nice to have a child who is very caring and helpful!

,
Lorina

That is a good idea, I might try that because going into room and opening curtains and pulling covers off isn't working too well at moment.

Yeah but its frustrating that this one issue has arisen, the jacket zipping is becoming a problem, even at Brownies.

[Lorina]

Hey at least it's just this one issue... Could be worse...a lot worse!

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

Have you tried using an alarm clock to help get Rhona up? Set up for 7:30am so it plays music (the radio) then by the time you wake her up at 7:45am she is half awake already...

Rhona sounds like a sweetie pie! It's nice to have a child who is very caring and helpful!

,
Lorina

I did that this morning and it worked very well . By time I came into her room at 0745 she was fully awake and enjoying music that was being played on radio. It made the morning less rushed, she had been washed and fed by 0815 plus was a lot less narky when hair was being tugged by hair brush, she even wanted to put her hair band in herself which she has never done by herself.

This jacket issue arose again so I told Rhona that I was going to speak to the intetfering parent and tell him that he has messed up my progress with Rhona, which I did.

I was walking Rhona to School hand in hand as I normally do, the parent was coming out with his boy and girl and said to me "you really are a bad parent, you hold your daughters hand, let her walk to school herself, she is not a baby and you are fascinated with putting on and doing up her jacket", Rhona got upset when she got called a baby so I told this parent "look, first of all, Rhona wants to hold my hand to school, there is nothing wrong with that, now apologise to Rhona for upsetting her please and secondly, she is only 7, she feels cold more than your 11yr old plus I don't like her jacket wide open and flapping , the jacket has a zip for a reason", so please don't criticise my parenting!

Her 11yr old then said to her mum "I agree with her, I don't need a jacket today because I have a hoodie on but that little girl does because she is only in a t-shirt so of course she needs to zip her jacket up".

So, even the 11yr old realises that Rhona needs a jacket on and zipped on rainy days.

I am struggling to sort this issue with the parent though, I could speak to the School about her but I doubt they'll be able to deal with it because its a problem from outside School .