Toileting Troubles 4 Yr Old & Child Only Doing Wee In Toilet

[KAP14]

Hi.

I need advice please in regards to a couple of my FDC children.

I have a little boy who is 4yrs old next month and is no where near toilet trained. He is in my care 4 days a week for 8+ hours a day but everything I try is not followed up at home consistently and at the start of each week we are back to square 1 I have tried putting him in jocks and taking him to the toilet every half hour on the days he is in care but most of the time he wont use the toilet/potty, only to wet/soil his pants shortly after. He is also content to keep playing in wet or soiled pants as if it doesn't bother him. He is getting too big for me to keep lifting onto my change table and I don't like changing on the floor (sorry this just a personal opinion). I have tried talking to his parents about the issue, but they tend to brush it off (they also don't acknowledge that he has a speech impediment and at 4 he is barely understandable). I have spoken to my scheme supervisor about this and she said I am not allowed to refuse to do his nappy (which I wouldn't anyways) but I feel as if his parents expect me to toilet train him on my own and all I seem to be doing is changing wet bottoms and mopping my floors, instead of properly caring for ALL the children in my care.

In addition, I have another child who up until a few weeks ago was fully toilet trained at age 3 (has been since 2.5yrs) with only the occasional sleep accident. However, lately she has gone back to soiling her pants. She will happily use the toilet to do wees but not poos. It is happening at home and in care. Is this common (I've had no other children do this) or could there be another issue we are not aware of (medical or emotional)?

Thanks,
KAP14

[Lorina]

Toilet training... It can get very frustrating especially if you have no support from the families!

In regards to the 4 year old it is completely unfair that the parents are not consistent with it at home. It is also unfair for the child as he is unable to develop self help skills and independency by going to the toilet himself.

I think you should get the child excited about actually being able to go to the toilet and showing his parents how well he is doing. If they see that their child is able to go and that he quite proud of himself then hopefully they should follow it up at home. First off, start reading stories on going to the toilet. It may get him interested. Explain to him that when he "goes" on himself that it must feel really yucky and it smells. It also gives you germs and could cause you to get sick that's why you need to go to the toilet. Start a reward chart. A sticker book- make it really special. Each time he goes to the toilet and does a wee he gets 1 sticker and for a poo he gets 2 stickers. Get different sticker sheets that he can choose from. Over the weekend, use the same method and ask his parents to continue the sticker book. If he is successful and has gone to the toilet at home and has stickers then give him a "reward" such as a colouring book etc. The alternative, you need to really have a discussion with his parents about the toileting issue. Tell them that you will need their co-operation and help in toileting and it's getting quite difficult in changing his nappy now.

In regards to the second child there could be a reason why she is not doing poo in the toilet all of a sudden when she was doing it before. Try and see if you can find out? Maybe she is scared? Or she saw something? Or she heard something? Just talk to her about it... Read stories and tell her that poos need to go in the toilet because of the germs etc. You can also try the sticker chart...

Own experience - my toddler had 2 pottys and refused to do a poo in one of them because when she sat on it for too long it cause her foot to hurt "fall asleep and go numb" so instead she would do a poo in her night time nappy. Recently I stopped using the potty and my bubs has started using the "big toilet" with a child potty seat. No problems! Also, the stories and stickers do work but you also need consistency from the parents! I completely toilet trained my bubs at 18 months old using this method... So try it and just see. Do it over a fortnight first to see what happens...

Let me know how it goes,

,
Lorina

[linsaa fdc]

Hi KAP14,
I hear your frustration. I had a full time child and at 2.5 she was fully trained here...I have potties and take them outside too... and I thought the parents were following through at home. It was only after a while when every mon tues we would start from scratch again, I found out they put nappies on her all weekend because they are out and its too hard. I am quite firm....being a grandmother....and I said we either work together or I'm putting her back in nappies. There is only one of us, to be dealing with accidents all day is ridiculous, we have a very long cleaning up an accident policy, where do we get time to do activities etc. I would save yourself a whole lot of work and anger because in our job things can easily be turned to resentment. Leave him in nappies, get a stool so that with your help he can get onto the change table and when the parents get tired of buying nappies they might work with you. We can't change what parents do, its their child and they do what they want. You are fighting a loosing battle. With the child that was totally trained try a reward chart and hopefully they will be ok, its not unusual for them to relapse a bit.
Good Luck
Linsaa fdc