Getting daughter to fasten her jacket up?

[Lorina]

Yeah that behaviour is not acceptable and she should not speak to any parent like that for that matter. She needs to respect others and what she said to the parent is totally out of line. So, she needs to be punished for it. Also maybe she could write an apology to her friends parent for the way she had spoken to them. She may have lost one friend however others may not invite her around to their house because of the way she acted.

Maybe you're going to have to say something like: if you don't fasten up your jacket you can't go and play outside. It seems a bit extreme but everything else you have tried doesn't seem to be working so I guess it has to come to this. She goes from home to school and back and then she has to stay inside until she fastens her jacket...

I know you already have spoken to Rhona about her behaviour but once she settles and calms down over the next day or so you should have a talk with her again. She should never speak to others the way she did and she needs to understand that...

Bring on the heat! Lol!

,
Lorina

[linsaa fdc]

Hi ScottishJoan,
I agree with Lorina and would absolutely get Rhona to apologize to her friends parents and her friend.
You need to get very firm with her. You are going to have similar issues all through her school life with other children being able to do things that your child won't be allowed to do and if you don't get this issue sorted it will continue and escalate. There will always be something, whether its how much junk food they are allowed to eat. My kids were allowed one processed thing a day in their lunch box like a muesli bar etc, other kids lunchboxes were full of junk. Or it will be how come other kids are allowed to hang out at the shopping centre on a Thursday night, mine were not, they could have their friends over on the weekend.
You need to stick to your word, no zipped jacket, then no outside, no matter how much she cries or mucks up. Make sure you and Dad are both on the same page and stick to your word. Get it sorted while she is still young, believe me, I had four teenagers at the same time, if you don't sort it out now it will only get worse.
Linsaa fdc

[Scottish Joan]

Thanks Lorina and Linsaa fdc .

Me and daddy spoke to Rhona in afternoon and have told her to apologise to the friend and friends parents at Schoolgate, Rhona agreed to this and did apologise to us saying that "it was a heat of the moment rant because she didn't appreciate being shouted at by anyone that isn't her parents".

Me and daddy did stick to our word though so grounding still stands (which upset Rhona).

We have also told her what you suggested, its a fastened jacket or else no outside so, when she wanted out to swingpark we put that into practice but she challenged it, until she realised that we were serious, so after 5mins sulking, she eventually fastened the jacket and put her hood up but OH discovered that only velcro was fastened so he said "nice try but until zip is tied too, you stay inside", she immediately unvelcroed the jacket, tied the zip AND velcro and went out to park for 45mins.

We have also written out a reward chart for morning routine and if everything on the chart gets completed all week, then there will be a treat on Saturday (out for lunch).

The list is something like this:-

0800- Wake up, get washed, hair and teeth brushed and dressed for School.
0825- Be downstairs for Breakfast
0830- Pack Schoolbag for the day (pencils, books and lunchbox)
0835- Shoes on and tied (come to me if you need help), jacket on and zipped up fully, hood up and gloves on.
0840- Be outdoor and on way to School.

I will not punish her if she needs help tying her shoes or jacket or if she leaves jacket open on a nice pleasant day.

[linsaa fdc]

That's fantastic, hopefully Rhona will figure it out soon. Kids are very smart and if they think they are going to get away with something if they persevere they will.
Little 4 and 7 year old sibling girls I look after always tell me that if they keep asking their Mum for something and stamp their feet that eventually she gives in. Cheeky girls because they do everything I ask of them and they never have tantrums for me. I say to them why do they do that, Mummy works very hard and she is tired at the end of the day, they say because they want what they want.
I also would not punish Rhona if she needs help.
Just a thought, do you think waking Rhona up a bit earlier than 8 so her morning routine isn't so rushed would make a difference?
Hope it warms up for you soon
Linsaa fdc

[Lorina]

Awesome news that you stuck to your guns and Rhona is finally listening! The reward chart is a great idea and I think it will help Rhona in the morning to get into a consistent routine. Things are starting to look up! Yay!

Hopefully the week goes well and Rhona gets her treat on Saturday!

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

That's fantastic, hopefully Rhona will figure it out soon. Kids are very smart and if they think they are going to get away with something if they persevere they will.
Little 4 and 7 year old sibling girls I look after always tell me that if they keep asking their Mum for something and stamp their feet that eventually she gives in. Cheeky girls because they do everything I ask of them and they never have tantrums for me. I say to them why do they do that, Mummy works very hard and she is tired at the end of the day, they say because they want what they want.
I also would not punish Rhona if she needs help.
Just a thought, do you think waking Rhona up a bit earlier than 8 so her morning routine isn't so rushed would make a difference?
Hope it warms up for you soon
Linsaa fdc

As I posted in my topic regarding parents bundling up their kids, I now get Rhona up at 0745 instead of 0800 but she gets narky for over 20mins due to still being tired or half asleep still so she narks at me when I set out her uniform and then rush her to brush her hair (she gets very narky still because hairbrush tugs at her hair), and then rush her for breakfast.

By time she is getting ready for School she has livened up a lot and gets very energetic lol.

So, my next step (which may be very tricky) is getting her to walk to school with her friends instead of hand in hand with me (I really don't mind this tbh).

One thing about wee Rhona is, she is very loving, caring and helpful, she likes loads of hugs and kisses throughout day and also likes sitting on my knee (daddy not so keen though as it makes her a "baby") plus she cares for her friends an awful lot, if they need comforting, she is first one to comfort them .

[Lorina]

Have you tried using an alarm clock to help get Rhona up? Set up for 7:30am so it plays music (the radio) then by the time you wake her up at 7:45am she is half awake already...

Rhona sounds like a sweetie pie! It's nice to have a child who is very caring and helpful!

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

Have you tried using an alarm clock to help get Rhona up? Set up for 7:30am so it plays music (the radio) then by the time you wake her up at 7:45am she is half awake already...

Rhona sounds like a sweetie pie! It's nice to have a child who is very caring and helpful!

,
Lorina

That is a good idea, I might try that because going into room and opening curtains and pulling covers off isn't working too well at moment.

Yeah but its frustrating that this one issue has arisen, the jacket zipping is becoming a problem, even at Brownies.

[Lorina]

Hey at least it's just this one issue... Could be worse...a lot worse!

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

Have you tried using an alarm clock to help get Rhona up? Set up for 7:30am so it plays music (the radio) then by the time you wake her up at 7:45am she is half awake already...

Rhona sounds like a sweetie pie! It's nice to have a child who is very caring and helpful!

,
Lorina

I did that this morning and it worked very well . By time I came into her room at 0745 she was fully awake and enjoying music that was being played on radio. It made the morning less rushed, she had been washed and fed by 0815 plus was a lot less narky when hair was being tugged by hair brush, she even wanted to put her hair band in herself which she has never done by herself.

This jacket issue arose again so I told Rhona that I was going to speak to the intetfering parent and tell him that he has messed up my progress with Rhona, which I did.

I was walking Rhona to School hand in hand as I normally do, the parent was coming out with his boy and girl and said to me "you really are a bad parent, you hold your daughters hand, let her walk to school herself, she is not a baby and you are fascinated with putting on and doing up her jacket", Rhona got upset when she got called a baby so I told this parent "look, first of all, Rhona wants to hold my hand to school, there is nothing wrong with that, now apologise to Rhona for upsetting her please and secondly, she is only 7, she feels cold more than your 11yr old plus I don't like her jacket wide open and flapping , the jacket has a zip for a reason", so please don't criticise my parenting!

Her 11yr old then said to her mum "I agree with her, I don't need a jacket today because I have a hoodie on but that little girl does because she is only in a t-shirt so of course she needs to zip her jacket up".

So, even the 11yr old realises that Rhona needs a jacket on and zipped on rainy days.

I am struggling to sort this issue with the parent though, I could speak to the School about her but I doubt they'll be able to deal with it because its a problem from outside School .

[linsaa fdc]

Go girl, good on you. People should learn to mind their own business and worry about themselves and their own problems.

[Scottish Joan]

Thanks Linsaa, I am not having my methods of parenting criticised or Rhona getting upset.

Anyway, even when Rhona gets to the age of the girl of the parent, she will still be zipping her jacket up, she will get decide for herself by High School age but until then, she follows my instructions.

If I ever become a childminder then the kids that I look after will also be zipping their jackets too, if the parents like that or not because thats rule in my house.

In fact, I used that rule this evening when Rhona and 2 friends that are at ours for a sleepover went out to play on their bikes.

Rhona and her 2 friends, Caitlyn and Gabrielle were going to go out in the pouring rain with just t-shirts so I said to all 3 "its raining, put on and fully zip your jackets please girls", Caitlyn then remarked "But mummy lets us go out with our jackets open", I responded by saying "fair enough but with me, you have to zip them sweetheart", she looked over to Gabrielle and Rhona, Rhona had hers still open but Gabrielle had hers zipped, Gabrielle then said to Caitlyn "I think you better listen to Joan or else you might get sent back inside" so Caitlyn did zip hers which just left Rhona, so I went over to Rhona and put a hat on her and zipped her jacket right to the top and firmly said "I asked you to zip your jacket up, you ignored me so I did it for you now leave it zipped to where it is, unzip it and you go back inside, your lucky I am letting you out, its only because Caitlyn and Gabrielle are here otherwise you'd be inside doing your homework".

[Lorina]

It's good that you get the other girls to zip up their jackets before going outside too... You're being consistent with this issue which is what you need to do...

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

Yeah bit its mainly because if the other girls don't zip theirs then Rhona won't either, Gabrielle and Caitlyn understand that so will always zip theirs and then persuade Rhona to zip hers.

It usually ends up with either Gabrielle or Caitlyn zipping it for Rhona.

We have had shocking weather this weekend so when Gabrielle and Caitlyn were leaving, I told them to zip their jackets because I was worried that they'd get soaked by time they got back home, which pleased the girls parents.

[Scottish Joan]

Well, at last weather has turned and HOPEFULLY Summer is here lol, last 2 days have been very hot, on Centre Court at Wimbledon, during Murray match it had a thermometer courtside which read 41C :O.

Rhona loving the heat as it means a) she can play outside in sun and b) she doesn't have me nagging her about needing her jacket zipped.

As soon as it starts raining or getting cooler in next few days or months, she knows that she will need her jacket on and zipped.

[Lorina]

Seems like you've all been waiting for the Summer! I'm sure it's been a long winter for you and you're all happy to see the sunshine! No more jackets at last!!

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

Well, looks like jackets will be back on Rhona again as it started pouring earlier on . 2/3days of great weather is all we got and now its School summer holidays.

As soon as Rhona saw the downpour, she looked towards me and said "looks like my jacket will be back on soon mummy".

[linsaa fdc]

Oh no, poor Rhona

[Lorina]

Aww! But it's supposed to be summer holidays with bright sunny skies!

,
Lorina

[Scottish Joan]

I can't get Rhona to wear her jacket at the moment which isn't ideal as winter is fast approaching .

She was out on her bike with a couple of friends for about 5mins when I suddenly realised that she was out in freezing cold wet weather with a t-shirt and no jacket, so I went to the cloakroom and grabbed her favourite jacket and went outside. I went over to Rhona and said "put this on please", she said to me "but my friends don't need one on" so my response was "thats up to them but you WILL put this on or come back inside", then I put her arms out and put the jacket on, which was a struggle, then fastened it up.

I went back inside and another 5mins later, I saw that all the girls had jackets on.

But, if I hadn't forced the jacket on Rhona, then she would have been outside for over an hour with no jacket.