Socially Awkward

[dtodtr5]

I'm currently working in a 2-3yo room. I know it's an age group that don't generally have the social skills yet to play games together but rather they play alongside each other but I have one child though, who is almost 3 but will only socialise with adults. He is meeting all his developmental milestones otherwise, he just won't play with or alongside other children. He did have a friend but unfortunately that family moved interstate, now he relies heavily on the adults around him to play games with and spends a lot of his time enjoying imaginary play.

My question is what could I do to help this child socialise with his peers? Are there experiences anyone can recommend or particular activities that encourage working together?

He will be moving to the 3-4yo room soon and I don't want him to move up without the confidence and social skills he clearly needs.

Thanks in advance!

[MarkPowter]

Hello dtodtr5!

This is quite a common issue in childcare from babies all the way to teenagers. I work in OOSH and still have this problem with year 6 children. I personally don't see it as a bad thing although it is nice for children to have people their own age to play with. Personally, I believe the reason children seek this attention and relationship from adults is because it is a safe and secure attachment and seeing as the child friend just moved, it is even harder for the child to trust those around them as the fear of them moving on as well is fresh in the mind.

Although it is hard as an educator and carer to do, you really just have to almost ignore the child (I don't really know how else to express this). By this I mean that if you continue to play games and build the relationship with the child, the attachment continues to grow and the child will struggle even more. As such you need to constantly redirect the child to play with other children. If you set up an activity, ensure another child is there for your little friend to play with. When your little friend is asking you questions or wanting you to become involved, redirect the child to work with and ask questions to the other child. "Help me with this" may be responded to with "Maybe Josh can help you" and so on.

It will take a while but it is important to work on as you will not always be there. Buddy your little friend up with other children and slowly back away from the child.

[Lorina]

I have also been in a similar situation where a child had a close buddy who left the centre and all of a sudden had no one else he felt comfortable with... It happens!

It's not that the child is socially awkward as such, because he was able to develop a strong bond with this friend before they left, it's more like they don't know who else to play with, so they would rather play on their own or with you. I don't think ignoring them (sorry Mark ) at this age is appropriate just because they are already feeling a little lost and confused in wondering why their friend has left and he just needs a little guidance until he finds another friend to play with. Also you need to support and develop this child's self esteem and confidence so engaging in play with him for the time being is necessary.

However there are a few strategies to develop his social skills with his peers:

Set up activities for two children rather than more than two. Two children together are more likely to successfully interact rather than in groups of three or more children. For e.g: doing a puzzle, magnetic boards, collage, paper mache, fishing game etc.

Encourage children in pairs to help each other and do routines together. Examples: hand washing, brushing teeth, cleaning up toys.

Provide positive guidance and verbal support for playing together and helping each other. For e.g. “Maria and Tasha, you are doing such a good job rolling out the play dough together.” “Tasha, please hand Maria her spoon.” “Gabriel, will you take this book to Benji?” etc.

Read books about friends, playing together, helping each other, etc.

The strategies that Mark suggested are also beneficial to support the child's needs ...

It's nice to hear that you care for this child and are willing to help him even though your're unsure of exactly what to do. It's no wonder why he would rather play with you rather than the others!

Hopefully this gives you a few hints,

,
L.A

[MarkPowter]

haha no need to be sorry Lorina! Always love to hear your opinion especially seeing as this is not my focus age group. I 100% see where you are coming from and love the ideas you have suggested. I especially like the idea of encouraging the children to participate in routines together such as washing hands and cleaning up the toys as the children will hardly notice they are building the friendship and as such it will come very naturally!

Couldn't agree with you more about how nice it is to see educators caring so much about the children!

Best of luck and I hope to hear a 'progress report' from you

[dtodtr5]

Thank you so much Lorina and Mark! Both your tips were very helpful and I will definitely start implementing these ideas. Especially the routine tasks, as Mark said, they would never notice they are veing paired!

I have developed a particularly strong bond with this child as he didn't speak very much before I came into the room as English was his second language but once I began speaking with him in a mix of both his native language and English, his language skills blossomed. I was very proud of his progress and maybe ignored his lack of social skills so really want to find a new way for him to progress.

Thanks again for the support

[MarkPowter]

Well done with your work and I wish you the best of luck Australia needs more childcare professionals like you!