RANT: constantly intimidated and made feel incompetent

[Iris2]

I work in a childcare facility for school-aged children. I have worked only for this childcare company but I have worked for other services within the company and have to say this one is pretty awful. Don’t want to give too many details which could identify me but I was specifically hired for this service because of a certain more uncommon skill/qualification I hold that only this particular service desires because of a strong customer basis of people from a particular country. My main training is not in childcare/education.

Long story short, since I have been there, I have been tormented by one of the older workers. She is in her 60s. Almost every day, I hear her talking about me to the coordinator. She whispers but five feet away from me so I can still hear what she’s saying. A couple of times when the coordinator was not there, she really verbally attacked me, persisting to harass me when I was trying not to react, to the point where I cried. Even the children tell me things she says about me, like I should be fired, etc. And some children were getting upset because they thought I was fired. I knew I should probably report it but I needed this job desperately and didn’t want to rock the boat.

Because I was hired for this skill I have, there is a greater expectation for my activities to be successful with the children. I think they told the manager (who is almost never there) my programming was unacceptable and no children are interested in my activities which was a straight-up lie because my program has been quite busy lately. The manager came to talk to me and asked me why I hadn’t done all these things, acting like I was a complete idiot, when no one had asked me to do the things she asked, not even the previous or current managers/supervisors. Now she’s asking me to do a horrible amount of things I was never asked to do before which would mean many hours of unpaid work. Not only that, she seems to have no understanding of the children or parents given the activities she wants me to do.

Also another thing that makes me mad is that these ladies who literally are reporting me to the manager do literally nothing they are supposed to do. They never do the activities they document on their prorgramming. They don’t interact with the children. They just want to sit in the room, doing paperwork alone or chatting to each other. When the children ask them to go to the toilet or anything, they yell at them and tell them to ask me. I can’t conduct any activities they expect me to because I am the only one taking children to the toilet most of the time. I am also the only one who seems to be working or interacting with children 100% of the time. I don't like to make myself seem better than others but literally all I see from the other people is them sitting down, doing nothing a lot. The things they do are 100 times worse than the things they harass me or report me about. The children have been asking for soccer equipment for the last year I have been there but the supervisor never buys it (she gets funds for this purpose). They also make too much food and don’t allow the children to stop eating until all the food is gone. The children told me they feel forced to eat. Afternoon tea often goes for an hour because of this.

I know other people have made reports but nothing happened.

I’m looking for a new job in almost any field but haven’t got any replies yet. I don’t want my current employers to know I’m looking for a job so can’t use them as a reference and my references are pretty crap and outdated. I feel very anxious even going to work lately. I want to call in sick but I have never been the type to do that. I’m feeling pretty frustrated and need some advice and maybe someone to help me see the light.

[Miss Theo]

Hey Iris - I sent you a private message with Some info - I hope it helps - best of luck to you.

[Lorina]

Hi Iris,

I'm sorry to hear that you have been put in a situation like this! I can understand how frustrating this may be for you, especially for the particular educator making you feel like this. Have you spoken to the Co-Ordinator about these issues? It seems to be affecting you emotionally and personally and I think it's time that you got some help. The Co-Ordinator needs to know about what you have been dealing with, they may only know one side of the story or may not know that it is affecting you like this or even that it's this bad. If the Co-Ordinator seems to know but not doing anything about it, then you probably should write a letter/email to the management committee so they can intervene and try and gets this issue sorted out. This has nothing to do with "dobbing" it's you fighting for your respect and dignity.

Do you have someone you can talk to in the management committee?

Also, you should keep a record/diary of all the things that have been said to you by educators or children and what you have witnessed during your time there...

,
Lorina

[Iris2]

Hi Iris,

I'm sorry to hear that you have been put in a situation like this! I can understand how frustrating this may be for you, especially for the particular educator making you feel like this. Have you spoken to the Co-Ordinator about these issues? It seems to be affecting you emotionally and personally and I think it's time that you got some help. The Co-Ordinator needs to know about what you have been dealing with, they may only know one side of the story or may not know that it is affecting you like this or even that it's this bad. If the Co-Ordinator seems to know but not doing anything about it, then you probably should write a letter/email to the management committee so they can intervene and try and gets this issue sorted out. This has nothing to do with "dobbing" it's you fighting for your respect and dignity.

Do you have someone you can talk to in the management committee?

Also, you should keep a record/diary of all the things that have been said to you by educators or children and what you have witnessed during your time there...

,
Lorina

Thanks Lorina,

I have in some way spoken to the co-ordinator. One time was when the co-ordinator and the other older educator approached me. It was after I had a disagreement with the older educator. They pointed out they find it hard to communicate with me. I'm not saying I'm the easiest person to communicate with. I had a very hard childhood which left me shy, withdrawn and anxious. But this does not affect my work much. It just means that I'm not very outgoing with co-workers and if someone talks to me in an aggressive way, I feel anxious and don't want to respond. I got bullied a lot in school and found the best tactic was ignoring so when I feel someone is bullying me, I look them in the eye and say nothing, then go about my business. This is what I do to this lady. Because it's really all I can do. I found when I tried to talk to her, she would become more aggressive and it would escalate and I would start crying. So when I know she is saying something out of line, which is often, I just say nothing. And for the record, I find it very easy to communicate with children, most other co-workers and with the co-ordinator, because they are not aggressive and I don't hear them talking about me or staring at me. So the co-ordinator asked about my communication and I told her, I only find it difficult to talk to this one co-worker because I feel she is very aggressive and disrespectful and I have also heard other staff members make the same complaint, all younger women. It seems this educator mostly targets younger women. She doesn't do this to older women or to the male staff member but all four younger female staff members, I have seen her yell at them unnecessarily or heard them complain. Even one younger female member who no longer works there made an official complaint but nothing happened. I also heard that the older staff member contacted her on facebook and told her 'how could you do this to me? what did I do to deserve this??'
Another time was when a child asked me if I'm getting fired. I said "not that I know of" and the child said "oh that's not what I heard!"
I went to the co-ordinator and told her what the child said, she laughed and said "no you're not getting fired" and because I knew how the child got that idea, I told the co-ordinator "I know what a particular staff member is saying in front of the children, because the children tell me what she says. She is talking as if they don't understand and it is inappropriate and it creates a negative environment and it is damaging our image in front of the children because they don't see us or respect us as a team." The co-ordinator said "yes I know what you mean. I'll have a talk to her because it's not very professional." Next thing I know, I think they blamed the children because a boy came to me, one who is always very sweet and nice to me, and not the same one who asked me if I was fired, looked me in the eye for a few seconds and said "sorry Iris. I didn't say you were fired." I smiled and said "I never thought you said that", and I was feeling a bit confused and sorry for the boy because I guess he somehow got blamed for the whole thing.
Another thing that happened recently which really bothered me is that a child made a potentially significant disclosure to me. I asked my co-ordinator PRIVATELY for the disclosure procedures and she told me. The next thing I know, this same older staff member came to me, trying to find out what the child disclosed which I knew wasn't correct procedures and really bothered me.
I know I don't feel comfortable making a complaint to the co-ordinator and after my last conversation with the manager, I don't feel comfortable talking to her either. It seems that the manager is just believing what these people tell her without bothering to see for herself what is happening. How can someone deal with issues of this nature with that mindset? That's why I've started looking for new jobs and feel that's the best way out. But I will make a complaint as I'm ready to leave in any case, if only because I'm concerned that the children are not having the best possible experience there.

[Small World]

Oh dear me how awful..

I have read through all of your points and I wanted you to know that there will be many people like me who are on this forum that feel for the way you are being treated..

I am not from Australia but I know that I would give consideration of seeking advice from your regulators, and this may be able to be completed anonymously.. if you could trust them to safeguard your anonymity telling them who you are would give more credence to your complaint.

On the face of this you are being bullied and this totally unacceptable.. Hard as it might be if you can't report their activities for the benefit of the children and families you might need to seek some support independently to gain confidence because the harsh reality is that the individuals that are treating you in this way need standing up too.

You are working hard for the little ones, you care about your work and the learning environment, have you ever considered that because you are professional and do a good job that this one person is intimidated by your knowledge and experience - please don't question yourself here - it is not your fault because you are shy and sometimes get anxious, this person is trying to single you out and by whispering with others and utilising social media she is just flagging up her own insecurities and inability to recognise others contributions...

By the way I think that your writing skills are excellent - you articulate particularly well and don't forget the skills and experience that the young ones are benefiting from you in that service.. you were employed for good reason and must be an asset to this organisation

I would support Lorina's suggestion around keeping a diary.. when we get stressed up it is sometime hard to remember everything accurately but if its written down then it may have credibility and demonstrate a timeline of abuse and over what period - make a brief account of conversations that your manager or supervision have with you.. don't make this a full time job and keep the note making until you get home or after work.. make a note of the episodes and the time and dates that you report it to your centre manager.. this is not about making a case and taking on the whole service its a little bit of self preservation.. the manager may not be strong enough to challenge this senior member of staff and the softer option for them would be to criticise you. If you are asked to improve in certain areas then be prepared to evidence that you are already achieving the targets being set..

If the Facebook account is open for scrutiny and you identify any unsavoury comments targeted at you then screen shot the entries and keep them to one side..

I hope that you find a way through, I would relish the chance of having someone like you on my team and you would be recognised for your commitment and dedication to the children let alone the other skills that you have mentioned!

Stay strong and take care :0)

[Lorina]

It's so hard working in childcare, I've said it before it's not the children, it's not the parents it's the staff that interact with each other on a daily basis. Working so closely with one another often creates riffs and tiffs and at times it gets out of hand. I often feel that educators from overseas working in a centre, get bullied by other educators who have been working longer or seem to have more experience. Overseas educators are quiet, the work extremely hard, twice as long and do everything that they have been asked to do without any issues and being paid at minimum wage. They are too scared to approach anyone to discuss their issues since they feel like they will get fired so they put up with it. Sometimes I feel they get taken advantage of... I've seen it happen before and it really is so unprofessional and unethical.

It seems like some educators think they are above everyone else and when another educator comes along and does something better they feel threatened and jealous. This is when they start ganging up and causing problems at work. I have seen it many times and I've received so many emails about similar circumstances, it's really a horrible situation. We are all woman here!

I have contacted ACECQA previously about how can an educator make a complaint about a centre and the procedures to follow including remaining anonymous, however, they insisted on telling the Director. I contacted them once again to find out what happens if the Director is also involved however they didn't reply. Once again I'm following this up...I will let you know if I hear anything back...

I just want to give you a hug and tell you that I'm here if you need anything!

You got our full support!

,
Lorina

[Iris2]

Thanks both for your comments. And thanks Small World for the compliments. Yes I do think she has some sentiments like that. I don't think it's a coincidence that she targets younger females. Also, the girl who made the official complaint, she was a beautiful girl who must have been very talented because she was in a very competitive program at university, I think studying education too, in her 6th year (she was in a long university program) and she had a few years experience within the company I think so I'm sure she was quite qualified and competent in her duties. She told me in the first week she felt as though she was treated as an idiot. I thought she was exaggerating until I saw for myself. I was actually taking over from that girl with this special duty I was assigned. And the older educator in question has often expressed she wished she had this particular skill and seems that she tries to critique our performance in this skill area which really she has no qualification to do so. I.e. this particular skill is not childcare related. Actually, it seems that her behaviour is very child-like. I don't say that to be mean but it really is how she behaves. She bullies and can't discuss in an appropriate way. One time when she was talking aggressively to me, she could see that I felt uncomfortable and asked me what's wrong. At first I said 'nothing' but she kept saying, 'clearly you have a problem' so I finally told her, 'I just find that you are speaking aggressively'. She said completely lost the plot and screamed at me and then went to both other workers there (older women) and was whispering to them. They just looked very confused. I just don't see how an adult can behave that way??! And I don't have access to her facebook. That incident is just something that a co-worker reported to me.

[Small World]

Hi Iris,

Bullies exist everywhere and all shapes and sizes, usually acting the way they do as aggression and attack is a defence mechanism for hiding their own inadequacies, I spoke to my husband about your experiences and he reminded me of when he was bullied at work.. now he is no shrinking violet, he worked for many many years in law enforcement and really enjoyed his career getting on well in all his career choices and when he encountered this individual he did not want to appear childish or unprofessional by reporting the matter so he continued to work alongside the protagonist.. the bullying was rarely up front, it was normally the setting up others for a fall or stabbing them in the back.

At the point where it p*%%ed my hubby off so much he documented the episodes and presented them to his manager, the manager failed to do anything constructive and despite repeated attempts to get the management team involved they obviously put it in the 'too difficult to deal with box".. he was taking it to the next level when he was offered a sides ways promotion and took the offer as it was a career enhancing move.

Try and keep a clear head, don't let them catch you out or set you up for a fall, any communications that you make mark them up as 'Private and Confidential', if after a suitable time of your requests for intervention have fallen on deaf ears then consider the next level..

The situation you are in is awful.. no one should have to go to work in an environment as this and as said before their actions are unprofessional and will have a negative impact on the children.

Having a rant on here is a good idea as you don't want to box it all in until it brings you right down - thinking of you!

[Lorina]

[ref]Small World[/ref],

Thanks for sharing your experience! Workplace bullying happens in any industry and it really needs to be dealt with!

,
Lorina

[Chrissy31]

Hi Iris, I'm so sorry to heard that.
I have been through the same, and when I was on a visa the directors used to threatened me about sending me back home. It's so sad and frustrating for me to know that this behaviors happen in childcare. And nothing can be done about it. I have been pushed by colleagues, mocked, accused of things that I would never do and psychological abuse by coworkers. I have quit working in childcare and it breaks my heart that I can keep working and sharing smiles with little innocent and happy souls, just because that b....industry