New job, having some issues

[Yukita]

Hello first time posting here! I hope I can get some advice about my situation.

I'm currently a OSHC educator. I worked in an OSHC company as an assistant (and did relief coordinating quite a bit) for a few years. Recently, I was offered a coordinator position with another OSHC company (currently on probation). Overall, I am happy with my new position in that I have worked hard to get to my current situation and I always do my best to improve! I always ask my manager/assistants/parents for feedback and mostly positives while obviously working on things that I need to improve. Recently, my manager visited my service for assessing, first time since I started this job, on a day when we had a lot of kids and... it was absolute chaos (which normally doesn't happen). The kids normally listen to the educators after once/twice when we tell them but that day they were pushing/shoving/punching other kids, throwing toys talking about very inappropriate things etc. Quite a number of kids also ignored the educators advice even when we tried being firm with them (and so many times the staff had to intervene with kids who are punching each other because "no reason and it's fun". I have never seen the same kids punch other kids during my time!). Even when we went outside, we usually line up and check for ratio numbers and also kids who are going out... also had kids who dashed out without letting the educators inside know. Definitely not a great impression!

Obviously days like these do happen and I definitely know that I will need improve on my supervision and behaviour management and using different strategies to make sure that the kids know that safety is VERY important at OSHC and that any form of bullying/violence is a big no-no! (I already do this consistently when I started but all of that "circle time talk" went out of the window that day) Also, as that day was our busiest day, I also have to find strategies to keep the kids "under control" because it was really crazy. The good news is that now I know what I can work on and I have been working on new strategies (and many are working well so it is great!)

The not so good news... I think I'm going to be terminated after a few weeks into my new job. Maybe I might be overthinking but I have worked so hard to get to this position but with that kind of impression I don't think the company thinks I'm not up to their standards. HR has called me to a meeting I'm feeling very fearful of what is going to happen. I can't afford to lose my job as this is the only position I have, and I will be very devastated if this happens. I've been trying to find work relevant to my qualification (teaching) and after 5 years I have 0 teaching jobs and 0 relief teaching work, and already I have started losing interest in most things that I usually like to do and recently hurt myself on purpose and it didn't feel pain. Please help on what I can do!!

[Lorina]

It's funny how the children tend to be on the worst behaviour on those "important" days. Like, during assessment visits, spot checks, when area managers come. It's not often but children can often sense when you are trying to make a good impression and they somehow have to be at their worst! Argh! Kids! To me, it sounds like you got a really good head on your shoulders. You seem to look at ways to improve and really make an effort to work responsibility and ethically. This is just what I get from reading your post, so in person you must be very lovely!

I don't think that you will be terminated because of that incident. They may talk to you about what happened during that day. If they do, tell them what you have done to rectify the situation. Changes to the routine, talked to the children about their behaviour, talk to the educators about their supervision etc. If HR know that you are taking responsibility and making a concious effort to improve the situation then I think that's the most important.

It's going to be OK,

,
Lorina

[linsaa fdc]

Hi Yukita,
I think anyone working with children knows that they always muck up at the most inconvenient times. They know we are distracted and they play up.
I had an interview with a new FDC scheme Friday 5th June, I chose Friday because my Friday children don't muck up.......that was until that particular Friday.
They were hitting each other and they never do that, I couldn't believe it.
Anyway we will be doing the rest of my transfer over in my two weeks off in the school holidays.
Surely the people that came know this is what children do, hopefully they didn't visit you on the full moon.
I doubt you will be terminated, but if you do its because there is something much better around the corner.
All the best, keep us posted.
Linsaa fdc

[Yukita]

Hello

So I had my meeting. Knew that it wasn't going to be all smiles and sunshine. Had talked on the areas that are of concern (which is bad, real bad), in summary I'm not performing to what I'm expected to do. I took Lorina's advice and tried to tell what has happened on the day, but I was feeling a lot of anxiety so I stuffed up and I couldn't give good reason enough so at the end of the day they are not happy but I got a verbal warning. At the end, I didn't feel good.

Of course I know that I should be doing what I am supposed to do and I admit that most of the things that happened could have been avoided and I should have been more responsible for it! Crazily enough I don't know why I've been underperforming (started out well, going down the drain as time passes by). I do not have a lot of work experience (few years unemployed after studies) and I did not oversell myself at the interview. My colleagues are probably thinking that I have a bad attitude I'm doing a terrible job. In truth, I love my job. I always wanted to work with kids but I struggled to get any kind of work since my studies and my life is a nightmare because I am guilty of not being able to support my family. I fail as a person that I can't even support myself independently. I have low self-esteem (so much better now that I'm an adult) since young as I was been bullied since my whole school life and I had to endure almost 12 years of torture at school.

Aware of one of the cause of my underperformance (low self esteem) but I don't know what to do. It's not a legitimate excuse for underperforming. I can't express myself well (thinks of something, says something else instead!) but in written form I can express my thoughts/thinkings much better. Maybe it's because I'm not appropriate for the job. Maybe working with kids isn't where I'm good at. Typing this is already hard enough and even with this 2nd chance at this rate if I can't myself out I won't be getting another chance. Jobs are very hard to come by now...

Going off topic but I really need help and hopefully I might get some here w/o criticism. I'm not a bad educator and I have made mistakes, and I know my mistakes and never want to repeat again!

PS: Went to doctor years ago about my anxiety, he/she said it's just bad self esteem have ot change my thinking. So losing interest in everything in life and harming myself everyday is normal, huh.\

Help T_T

[Lorina]

It's normal to feel a little low when you go to a meeting that focuses on the negatives. It really makes you second guess yourself, makes you think negative and makes you feel like your wasting your time. On Monday go to work with a plan. Since you are better at expressing yourself through written form this is a perfect opportunity to maybe write to your educators. Write a note to your educators about what needs improving and suggest a few techniques they can try. You should also thank them for their hard work etc. It doesn't have to be a long letter. Just something to show that your appreciative. For the kids, on Monday make some posters about bullying, showing respect with one another, treating each other nicely. You could write some examples from the children on how they can show respect, be nice etc. I'm just trying to show you ways that you can turn the negativity of the meeting into a positive.

For yourself -

- grab a dairy/journal and write your thoughts down. Even spending 10 minutes doing this will really help.
- spend some time on the internet and find something humorous that you can look at or read when you're feeling down - it really helps! You could also print these and add these to a staff notice board near your desk for staff to see as well.
- find something you like to do and start doing it. Gives you something to look forward to at the end of the day!


I can understand you're going through a tough time at the moment but I'm sure soon enough you'll be smiling and laughing again!

,
Lorina

[linsaa fdc]

Dear Yukita,

I doubt if there is anybody out there that hasn't had or will not have a period like you are going through.....big big hug.
Being 52 I have had many. Today is a new day, you wouldn't have got the job if they didn't think you could do it and reading your words it is easy to see how much you love your job. Don't be so rough on yourself.
Being able to express yourself on paper is really good in our line of work and I agree with what Lorina said, write them a note.

Linsaa fdc

[Yukita]

Hi
I had a very good feeling after D day, I felt that I'll be leaving. My "gut feeling" has become a reality. I was not been given a 2nd chance, and all this time I've been told I'm great with the kids, I'm great with my job but everything fell apart on one day cause I could not control the kids and I was "neglecting their safety". The feedback about me was horrible, I did not know that my colleagues were telling me I'm good but they were playing politics + miscommunication.
I'm not saying that I'm not completely right (yes I did mess up, and yes sometimes I wasn't confident! argh!) but I'm very disappointed and rejected that NO ONE ever thought about the things that I have done WELL. I am so used to criticism all my previous work/studies, I have always been told that straight in the face that I was "stupid, terrible, I would never become a good educator, I made a mistake choosing teaching" by educators themselves! I struggled since but I manage to graduate with great results, had a few working stints in childcare (still had many work politics going on but did meet a few very kind, honest and understanding educators). This experience is just yet another -too- common experience of working life.
Moving on I'll definitely be looking for something better, somewhere where I can fit in the workplace well with similar personalities, and honesty.For now, I do not think I will be looking into childcare work while the pain is still there.

Thanks for Lorina and Linssa for the words of encouragement It makes me happier.

[Lorina]

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been treated like this and you are leaving your job! It makes me sad to think because of one "bad" day that you had you don't get another chance to prove your worth and all your positivity has practically been thrown out the window! Why would you want to work for a centre that treats their staff like this! I believe in things happening for a reason so it's in your best interest this happened!

I'm sure you will find a centre that will be supportive and encouraging to you and I just don't want this experience to dampen your spirits!

Crap happens! You'll move on, find something bigger and better and you'll forget about this centre and how they treated you!

Keep your head held high!

,
Lorina

[linsaa fdc]

Hi Yukita,
Very sorry to hear. I would be very frustrated too if people were saying to my face I did or am doing well then behind my back something else.
Maybe Family Day Care would be better suited to you where you work from home and apart from the support and guidance you get from your scheme you are self employed. You can choose to only have before and after school kids as well. I really enjoyed just having schoolies. One afternoon we would go to the soccer field, another to the library etc.
Try not to let it get you down too much, I know that's easy to say, but don't stay away for too long as it will get harder to get back on board.
You want to work with people who are like minded, life is too short to be miserable at work and work with back stabbing people.
All the best
Linsaa fdc