Getting the children to respect me

[Jharve23484]

Hi

I am desperately in need of some good advice in how to get a group of 20+ children to respect me as a person and listen when I ask them to do something. Discipline is something that I have always struggled with and even though I have been in my current job for nearly a year it still seems like I am still not improving. I have tried several strategies such as stating my feelings I.e. It makes me sad when you don't listen to me, or offering rewards such as stickers, or just being really firm and stating "go to the toilet" letting them know that it is not open for debate, but none of it seems to work, they just continue to jump around, yell no or never at me, or argue with me or even run away. I am an assistant educator in my room and I have observed the lead educator in the room and the way she interacts with the children (she is brilliant with them) and I try to do the same as she does but it doesn't work. I have talked to her about it and she thinks my troubles stem from the fact that they don't respect me, so my question is how do I build respect with them. I spend time during play activities engaging with them, playing with them and this goes well and they respond well to me during this time and I feel like I am building good relationships with them, but when it comes to group times or asking them to do a set task, they are all over the place, jumping around on the mat, arguing with each other or just running around acting silly and completely ignoring me and I feel like such a failure I want to love my job and I know I could if I wasn't having these issues, but it is just dragging me down so much that I nearly feel like crying every night when I get home. I know my fellow educators expect me to be better seeing as I am bachelor qualified but I just feel like I am dragging everyone else down because they r getting held up by my inadequacies. So any advice anyone could offer would be greatly appreciated, cheers.

[Lorina]

OK, lets try to come up with a few strategies you can try, just few questions. It sounds like that this is constantly happening during group times. What are you doing during group times? What's your routine? It may not be that the children are not respecting you as such but maybe they feel bored during group time so that's why they are mucking about. Children tend to misbehave when they dont have any stimulation... Also, during group time do you handle the 20 children alone? Do you get any assistance? Have you though about splitting group time so you take one set of children and the lead educator takes another set...

Sorry bout all the questions but just trying to get better understanding of the issue.

,
Lorina

[linsaa fdc]

Hi Jharve23484,
It must would be awful to get home from work so upset every day. I believe children sense if you have control or not. I see it in Family Day Care all the time, children will run a muck for some educators at playgroup then another educator can ask them nicely and firmly to stop and they will, its the same in schools. I have had so many children coming from other educators that they couldn't handle but I never seem to have a problem with them. I don't really have any advice because I haven't had this problem but I just wanted to let you know it happens from early childhood education to schools, don't beat yourself up, ask for help from others that have things under control, and you probably have a beautiful calm and quiet nature and little ones think they can walk over you.
All the best
Linsaa fdc

[sharn]

Hi Jharve23484,

I was in a very similar situation as I work at 2 different schools for before and after school care. The service in the morning was so hard as I was new and they didn't want to listen to a work that I would have to say, these same children in the morning would yell at me and swear, the best advise that I could give you is get to know each child. Know all of these children will listen TO me they now also show me a lot of respect because I did take the time to get to know all the children and the things that they like to do and what can trigger their behaviour. How does the educator get the children to do activities if you don't mind me asking.

[Lorina]

It's really hard not to get emotional in front of the children especially when they are being so rude but you have to try. If the children know that the rudeness has an effect on you then it's never going to get better. So, no matter how much they push stick to your ground and be consistent!

,
Lorina

[sharn]

Lorina I agree with you 100% stay positive

[RoseRed123]

I can see this post is a few months old...but I feel I have the same issue with a couple of children. I feel they don't respect me. They rarely listen to me. But listen to other educators. I do the same thing as other educators. I am consistent. If I say something will happen then it does. Eg: move them away from an activity, put something away if they are doing the wrong thing with it etc, etc. But I still find these particular children just don't care. They just keep going with their silly behaviour. And I just don't know what to do anymore. It's not all children. Majority of the children listen to me quite well. So I just don't know.

[Lorina]

I can see this post is a few months old...but I feel I have the same issue with a couple of children. I feel they don't respect me. They rarely listen to me. But listen to other educators. I do the same thing as other educators. I am consistent. If I say something will happen then it does. Eg: move them away from an activity, put something away if they are doing the wrong thing with it etc, etc. But I still find these particular children just don't care. They just keep going with their silly behaviour. And I just don't know what to do anymore. It's not all children. Majority of the children listen to me quite well. So I just don't know.

Maybe having a topic of discussion about Respect - what it means, what to do, what's not respectful etc.
Tell them how you feel - "it makes me sad to see you continue playing around after I told you not too" etc.

,
Lorina

[ClaireR.]

My brother has a problem with her daughter. She's a teenager and very often protests against the fact that parents interfere with her life. Almost does not listen to their parents.

[linsaa fdc]

Hi ClaireR,
Unfortunately children are indoctrinated from a very young age by the shows they watch on TV that parents shouldn't 'interfere' with their lives. Too many people wait till the children are older to teach them respect but it starts when they are very little and never stops. Your brother has a difficult road ahead if she hasn't learnt to respect by now.
I have a 2year old girl in my care who hits and screams at her dad every afternoon when she is picked up because she doesn't want to go home. Her parents attitude is that she is too little to discipline now but I'm afraid that when she is older she would have already been doing that behaviour for such a long time it will be very hard for her to stop, she never does it to me and I do not accept her screaming at everyone at my place either. If the behaviour isn't stopped when they are younger it gets worse not better.
Linsaa fdc

[Lorina]

Hi ClaireR,
Unfortunately children are indoctrinated from a very young age by the shows they watch on TV that parents shouldn't 'interfere' with their lives. Too many people wait till the children are older to teach them respect but it starts when they are very little and never stops. Your brother has a difficult road ahead if she hasn't learnt to respect by now.
I have a 2year old girl in my care who hits and screams at her dad every afternoon when she is picked up because she doesn't want to go home. Her parents attitude is that she is too little to discipline now but I'm afraid that when she is older she would have already been doing that behaviour for such a long time it will be very hard for her to stop, she never does it to me and I do not accept her screaming at everyone at my place either. If the behaviour isn't stopped when they are younger it gets worse not better.
Linsaa fdc

I agree! Respect should be taught from an early age! We are continually teaching my 3 year old about respect on a daily basis. From the way she speaks to us and family, to listening and understanding to what is being said to her without complaints, having mutual understanding for each other as well as mutual respect for one another. We explain everything to her to make her understand the importance of respect and in those rare cases she doesn't show respect we sit and talk to her about it and it doesn't happen again. It's so much easier to get it together now because it's going to be so much harder in the future and will cause a lot of problems if a child doesn't respect their parents especially for a girl!

,
Lorina