Explaining sick leave to 5-12s

[indego]

Hi everyone,

I coordinate an OSHC program, and work on the floor for every before/after school shift each week.

I've been diagnosed with a recurrence of a rare form of ovarian cancer, (non-aggressive, non-invasive, brilliant outcomes expected from surgery alone) which means I'll be having major surgery and will be off work for at least 6 weeks.

I was planning on just telling the kids I'd be away for a few weeks, will be back mid term 4, and to behave for my 2IC because she'll be telling me EVERYTHING.

Unfortunately this plan didn't really take the nature of the school's gossip network into consideration.

One of my staff was babysitting a 6y/o boy from the service last night, and he was asking questions about how sick I was, asking what a tumour was, and saying how worried he was about it all.


So now I'm a bit at a loss about how to proceed.
Apparently a lot of the kids are worried, so I can't just say nothing. But not ALL kids are worried, so if I say something, I'm going to be worrying more kids.
I was thinking of just telling the parents, and letting them figure out the best way to deal with the gossip with their kids… But the parent’s gossiping is what has the kids so worried in the first place.

The school’s response has been incredibly unprofessional and unsupportive. Their response has actually upset me more than the diagnosis, to the point that I will be resigning at the end of the year, and I’m looking into if I have a case for harassment.
(Highlights include being accused of faking to make them look bad for outsourcing, and the Vice Principal saying – in front of my staff – that they were going to rearrange the outsourcing meeting for while I was on morphine, because then I might be more agreeable and they’ll get a better deal if I don’t push for a quality service… Then she rearranged the meeting so it’ll be while I’m in hospital.)
As such, I’m not prepared to let the school handle this, or even seek their involvement.

Any suggestions for a professional way of telling the kids “Yes, I’m having surgery, but I am going to be just fine, and there is no need for you to worry," without coming across as either "hey look at me, I'm having surgery!" or getting accused of trying to make the school look bad?

[Lorina]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a hard time but I'm glad that after all that is said and done you're going to be alright!! That's the main thing, that you get through this and get back on your feet asap!!

I can't believe that the school has responded like this! It's completely unethical and unfair! I would take it further once you get back on your feet to make sure that action is taken against the school (primarily vice principal). How dare they! That's all their concerned about the school may look bad? Yes, I'd be resining as well!!

With the children, I think you just have to be honest with them. Let them know what's happening. Its better that they hear it from you then there parents who may misinterpret the information and also if the children have any questions or concerns then you're there to answer them. You can try to explain what you have in "easy" terms. That you have a tumour in your ovaries and that you will have an operation to get it out... You can explain what a tumour is (excess growth) and you can even show pictures from the net. Tell them that you'll be on medication to help with the pain after the operation and after a few weeks of rest you'll be back.

It's actually really sweet that they are worried! Not knowing what's going to happen and where you're going to be is probably the most worrying part. Maybe you could set up an email between them and yourself so each week they can send you a "weekly email update" to tell you how everything is going and let you know what is happening. They an send photos of the week and you can send photos to them of you in hospital etc. At least this way they can stay in touch and know that you're going to be OK!

I'm sure you have soo much on you're mind right now and just focus on the outcome that you're going to get through this and you'll be fine!

,
Lorina

[indego]

I really like the email idea, I may have to take pics of some of the grosser hospital food, haha.
I'm close friends with my 2IC, so I'll be texting her back and forth anyway, getting the kids involved is a really good idea. Once I'm home, I might arrange for a Skype session in the morning with them.
Tonight my 2IC suggested I take the service's teddy bear mascot with me to hospital... And I LOVE the idea... But I know where that bear's been, and what the kids have done to it. (He's been washed many times, but some things just never wash out...) I might use my own bear as a stand in.

Two mum's came in this afternoon and were wishing me well, which opened up some natural discussions with the kids, which is a MUCH easier way to go about things that actually having a more structured conversation.
It made me think just putting the info out there, that I'll be away because I'm having surgery, and then giving the kids a chance to ask questions might be an easier, and gentler, way to go about it.

We have a group discussion at the end of before care, and the start of after care. I normally use this time to have a chat about what the kids are doing (or want to do) but I might spend it talking about how I'll be on leave and then let the questions pop up naturally and address them as they come up.
That way they get their answers, and I avoid the risks of giving to much detail if they don't want it.

I've been in touch with the union (One thing about working in schools, the AEU is amazing,) and they've said that as I've been employed for so long, and have a perfect employment record, any action they take in regards to me speaking about my health actually needs to be put in writing. If they put it in writing, then I have an open and shut case for harassment.
I've been in touch with the same union rep a few times over other issues that have popped up, so there's a pretty big file on the school as it is. As these comments have now been made in front of witnesses, there's a good case for it anyway... But I don't particularly want to drag my staff into it.

Thank you for the suggestions

[Lorina]

We've actually come up with some good ways to get you to stay in touch with the children. This will really help you and them and I think it will make your recovery go faster! Skyping is a great idea! and so is the mascot teddy!! This will be a great opportunity for your 2IC to document this as part of the MTOP framework (Outcome 1).

Great to hear that you've been discussing this with the children also. Like I said, it's important for them to understand what's going on since they are concerned about you!

I wish you a very very speedy recovery and plenty of well wishes!!

,
Lorina

[JNP]

Sending big hugs to you indego. Hope everything goes well for you. What a generous person you are, worrying about the children with so much on your mind.
Good luck with your surgery, keep in touch and let us know how you go.
Love
Jules.

[indego]

I had my surgery on Tuesday (Finally off all the drips and well enough to get bored, lol)
My left ovary got a clean bill of health, and the right one is finally gone.

I won't get the full results back til Monday, but the oncologist said it looked like everything was contained so there should be no further treatment needed

The kids go back to school on Monday, so once we get the final pathology back, I'll be able to email them and let them know

[Lorina]

So nice to hear from you!

It's only been 2 days and you're already bored! Lol! im sure the children will be very excited to hear from you and I hope you got some photos to share with them of you in hospital!

Hope you get lots of R&R, catch up with sleep and daytime soapies!

Great to hear that all went very well! Fantastic news!

Thanks for letting us know,

,
Lorina

[indego]

So the "Everything looked contained," turned out to be not accurate. There was a few implants outside the tumor, and microscopic cells found in pelvic washings.
While this doesn't change my long term outcome, it does mean I'll be starting chemo in a few weeks.

I'm due back at work on the 16th of November, and will be starting chemo on the 20th.
My doctors are saying that there shouldn't be a problem working through treatment, so long as I stay home when the kids are sick. (... I don't think they've ever been exposed to a child care setting... I don't know if that's going to be possible.)

I'm quite torn about what to do. I'm out of sick leave, so we need the money. But other than the risk to my own health (which I'll clearly won't be taking, if it looks like I'll get sick I'll just not go) I'm worried about the impact on the kids.

We've been outsourced, and the company has a "Disclosure of all existing medical issues," along with a form stating your potential need for leave in the next year which have to be approved before they'll hire you. Frankly I don't think my chance of getting my job back are to great. (I'm not even sure it's legal to ask me to disclose health information?)

So I'm trying to figure out what's going to have less impact. Me just not going back, or me working while visibly sick and then not coming back.
Clearly, I'll be leaving an email for the kids/parents to contact me on... But I really don't want to upset the kids.

Any thoughts?

[Lorina]

OH crap...

It's a hard situation you're in at the moment. Going through chemo and working with the children is going to be quite tough on you. I don't know how extensive your chemo treatment is going to be but there could be side effects and you may not be able to go into work for days at a time. In my opinion, I would just focus on getting yourself treated and once it's all said and done start looking for work again. Maybe you could work casually in the meantime...

Listen I know you're worried about the kids being upset and they will be... They will adjust to the situation and then they will be fine! If you do end up leaving, maybe you could also send a letter to the families letting them know what's happening (or as much as you want to disclose) and a goodbye message to the children..

I'm sorry that you have to go through this!

Sending you positive thoughts and positive energy!!

,
Lorina