Teaching Children To Hug After Incident

[vickianne]

Hi I am working in a Childcare centre and have been floating from the babies to the 4 year olds, it has been great and a good way to know the children.
I saw an incident the other day at work, where a boy(2year plus) scratch another boy (2years) for no reason, he cried as it was quite nasty, one of the carers asked if he did it etc etc then told them to hug each other the little boy that got hurt, his face was full of confusion, I quickly said he should not have to do that, he did not do the wrong thing, so she changed it, but you could clearly see that the little boy did not want a hug from him anyway...Sorry but what is with all this hugging about? If a child wants to hug great, but please I do not think it should ever be forced.

[Lorina]

Getting to children to hug each other straight after an incident occurs like you said can be quite confusing for the child that was hurt. Just like you and I when we get into an argument etc. the last thing on our mind would be to hug it out right after. The child who caused the incident can be told something like "you must of been angry but we do not hurt our friends, bob is very hurt and sad... When you're ready you can go and see if he is alright"...etc. Something like that... We shouldn't force an apology from children either otherwise they won't understand the proper meaning of the word sorry. If after sometimes the boy apologises then they can hug and make up but it's not necessary and shouldn't be forced whatsoever. Maybe the centre should review their behaviour management policy so all staff are dealing with managing behaviour appropriately and consistently. You can even have a group discussion with the children and discuss why we shouldn't hurt others and if we hurt someone what we can do to make them feel better.

Hope this helps,

,
L.A

[vickianne]

Thank you for that, yes it has helped, I agree it is a bit like the SHARE word!! they do not understand the meaning,other than the share word seems to be met with a lot of anger behind it, rather than address it in another manner, maybe take it in turns or when Johnny has finished then you may have a go. Thanks once again.

[Januka]

thank you L.A. for the perfect answer and clearing things out on how to deal with challenging behavior and resolution.

[Lorina]

thank you L.A. for the perfect answer and clearing things out on how to deal with challenging behavior and resolution.

Awww thanks! I just wanted to share what has worked for me when dealing with children...

,
L.A

[Dale-John2014]

I don't think it's appropriate to force children to hug straight after they scratch each other or something that's just like if I said to one of you right after I hit you or something "I'm sorry lets hug" now we know that won't happen in a hurry so why should we expect children to hug each other right away? The victim would be understandably confused because the person hurt them first up and then hugged them straight after even though neither person wanted to hug each other, what I'd do is if they continued to fight sit them in opposite corners and make them look at each other with a carer in between so that they don't get up to fight again, Disciplining in this area is a grey area, I'm not saying to belt the children but I am saying a quick smack wouldn't hurt it hasn't hurt me and nor will it hurt my children there's far too much softness in this world these days and I think it's time we all toughened up and grew up.

[Lorina]

We are not allowed to smack or even put our hands on any child when working in childcare. How you discipline your children within your family is up to you but you never ever touch a child in a centre... That's why as an educator you need to come up with various techniques and strategies to manage behaviour. In regards to smacking in my opinion that is the easy way out. It's so much harder to calm yourself and deal with the situation verbally even if it is with your own children.

,
L.A