Ongoing Separation Anxiety in 3 year old

[AMH]

Hi,

I work with a little girl who has been attending my centre for quite a while. She is continuing to become very distressed at drop-off i.e. screaming, kicking, crying etc. She does settle down within the space of half an hour and is able to reflect on her emotions but we are having a difficult time breaking this cycle. I have spoken to Mum and having better drop-offs would make a huge difference for her. Throughout the day, the child is fine. We speak to her regularly about her drop-offs, ensure the room is welcoming and comfortable, she is familiar with her educators and has good relationships with them, Mum is positive and happy at drop-off. We have read books about going to school as well so we're getting to a bit of a loss of what else we can do to help her.

Thanks

[Tomhanks5]

From what you have mentioned i concluded that maybe the kid is suffering from ADHD.

[Lorina]

I don't think we need to jump to the conclusion of the child having ADHD, just because drops off are difficult...

You need to get the child and mum into a routine. It has to be quick and mum shouldn't hang around too long which prolongs the goodbye causing more stress for the child. Get the child and parent into a predictable routine.

1) Mum and parent comes in places bag in the cubby.
2) Mum hands child over to the educator.
3) Mum leaves.
4) The educator takes the child to the window to wave goodbye to mum.
5) Mum waves goodbye.
6) Educator settles child with a story/activity.
7) When the child screams and cries, leave her, don't stop her and don't pay "attention" to it. Let her know that you are waiting nearby until she is ready to join in.

This routine or similar needs to be consistent and soon enough the child will settle down. Having the Parent trying to settle the child and hanging around is actually worse off. So, it needs to be done quickly.

I've had a few children in my room that have taken them a while to settle during drop-offs. I remember a child that had taken months to stop crying and screaming when being dropped off. Like your situation, the child was absolutely fine during the day and 10 minutes after his parents left. Sometimes I feel that a child enjoys the attention they get from both mum and the Educator when crying and screaming as we work frantically to try and settle them. Just let them be, let them know you are near and give them space to settle on their own.

See how it goes...

,
Lorina

[AMH]

Thanks Lorina. We definitely don't think this is a case of ADHD at all. But we do feel this child is very stubborn and stubborn.
We already have a bit of a routine in place for her and Mum never hangs around as she has to get to work anyway. She seems to be a child of habit and we feel that crying at drop off has become part of her habit that she thinks needs to occur. We are working on replacing this habit with something else. I guess I'm looking for some out of the box suggestions that could help as we have tried and tested the usual strategies.

Thanks

[lysagyre93]

Oh I am sorry that your child is going through this. I know that it is very hard for you as a parent. By the way you describe it it does look like ADHD or maybe an anxiety disorder. I also have a kid if ADHD and it can be an everyday struggle. I have been taking her to therapy and I have been trying to help her with different medication but she has had some really nasty reactions to the typical anti-anxiety eds that they give to kids. Since she is so young adult medications are not safe for her. I have talked with a few pediatricians and one suggested I try medical marijuana or kratom. I have been really scared and I really did not want to try this but she has been suffering. I decided to do some extra research and after a long deliberation decided to try it out. I ordered a small package of red veined borneo. I have been adding a few pinches to her tea and it has been helpful. She has been a lot more focused and it has been easier for her to stay in day care. Hopefully my story has been a little helpful for you.

[Ipeta92]

Young children suffer from mental health issues just as adults and older children and teenagers do. Children can have high anxiety for many reasons. It is a perfectly natural thing, we need to not jump to conclusions as to it having to be caused by something ie adhd etc, children can just simply have anxiety because that's them adults are the same. we also need to not just assume because a childs got high anxiety or is a bit diffcault it's Adhd either because their are many conditions which mimic eachother and some signs can be mistaken as "adhd traits" when in fact its something far more sinister like a child suffering from severe trauma or child abuse etc. a child that has been exposied to any form of parantal ailnation or somthing simler can display similer traits etc too.
Children can also still always be constinely worring about their parents leaving etc and not returning etc.

the best thing to do is to just try and make it as smooth as you can

[Nandy84]

First of all separation anxiety in a kid takes some time to be resolved. And there is no stipulated time to estimate the approximate possible taking of time to get the issue resolved as every child is different and unique. But few things can be practiced continuous basis and consistently to make the child habituated to the process.

The circle which needs to be followed are as bellows ( you can alternate the things as per the situation)

1. Let the mother come along with the child to the educator.
2. Let the mom hand over the child to a particular educator on a daily basis ( for a couple of days)
3. Let the mom makes a happy face and wave.
4. The child and the teacher also need to wave back.
5. Please avoid the child insisting on handshakes and other things with another child in order to make the child comfortable.
6. Speak with the child with a positive facial expression that gives the child comfort and a sense of security.

This cycle should follow in a consistent way so that the child has the feeling that after the session, he/she will be able to go to mom.

Slowly and gradually the child will adapt to the situation and will cope with separation anxiety

Thanks

Nandita