Dear Sir / Madam,
Greeting for the day.
I have my 6 years old daughter named Gauri going in class I. She is my only child. My problem is that every day, before going school is makes cry and show her un willingness to go to school. After returning the school, she doesn't behave good with my wife as well as my mother. She demand candies and other fast food items, if we don't brought her, she cry a lot and hit my wife and mom.
She doesn't obey my orders as well. She spends more time, on watching cartoon network, TAB & computer. She plays continuously, but when she direct to read or complete her homework, she start weeping.
Now, we are excpecting our new baby. I always fear with my daughter, as she hit her head in my stomach as well as her mother stomach.
So, can I request you to guide me, how to handle my daughter?
Thanks & Regards
Sachin Tanwar
how to handel my daughter?
Re: how to handel my daughter?
Hi Sachin,
I am sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time with your daughter at the moment.
How is Gauri's behaviour at school? Is she upset all the time there as well or does she only just cry while getting ready to go to school? Have you asked her what is wrong and why she is upset? Have you spoken to her teacher about how she is during the day? Maybe she is scared, something happened?
First off, her hitting your pregnant wife and your mum is not good at all. When she does this they need to say something like "STOP Gauri, you are hurting me" and then walk away to another room leaving her there. If she cries leave her for a few minutes. After a few minutes go back to Gauri and say something like " I can see you are angry but that doesn't mean you should hurt me, it makes me very sad" then leave it at that. Forgive and forget. When she hits don't give in to her demands just leave her and walk away. She will realize that hitting doesn't make her get what she wants.
She seems to be doing this as a pattern of her wanting to get something from you. You said if she doesn't get fast food or lollies she will hit. So when she hits you give it to her so now it's a habit.
Instead of giving her fast foods or lollies maybe you can make something at home with Gauri when she comes home after school. Your wife/mum and Gauri can prepare/cook something together that she can eat. If she helps to cook it she may like it and have it. All fast food items you can easily prepare at home like burger, chips, pizza so maybe an option is to plan with Gauri what she would like to eat after school and when she comes home after school she can help cook it and eat it.
You need to put some time in the evening aside for Gauri to do her homework and for her to play. After school she can play for some time then 5pm to 6pm she has to do her homework. Then 6pm until 7pm watch TV or computer then 7pm - 7:30 dinner, 7:30 pm - 8pm read and bed. (this is an example of a routine you can do). I'm not sure if she is able to tell the time but you can show her on the clock when she has to start her homework and finish. You can put an alarm on the Tab so she knows and you can give her a warning something like "Gauri, in 10 minutes it's time to start homework" etc. This will prepare her on what's going to happen next. I think at this stage it's important to get her into a routine which I think will change her behaviour positively.
Yes this can be worrying especially for your wife. Do you talk to Gauri about the baby coming? Does she know that she will be a big sister soon? Does she know that the baby is in her mums tummy? You can explain this to her so she understands. Get her happy and excited that she is going to be a big sister and she can help look after the baby, play with the baby etc. Tell her that being a big sister is very important job. She can buy a small gift to give to her brother or sister when it comes. She can sing to the baby or talk to the baby in her mums tummy.
Has this behaviour recently happened since your wife has been pregnant? Having another baby is a big change to the family and Gauri may be acting out/wanting more attention because of this.
Hopefully I have given you some advice that will help you,
,
L.A
I am sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time with your daughter at the moment.
"My problem is that every day, before going school is makes cry and show her unwillingness to go to school"
How is Gauri's behaviour at school? Is she upset all the time there as well or does she only just cry while getting ready to go to school? Have you asked her what is wrong and why she is upset? Have you spoken to her teacher about how she is during the day? Maybe she is scared, something happened?
She doesn't behave good with my wife as well as my mother. She demand candies and other fast food items, if we don't brought her, she cry a lot and hit my wife and mom
First off, her hitting your pregnant wife and your mum is not good at all. When she does this they need to say something like "STOP Gauri, you are hurting me" and then walk away to another room leaving her there. If she cries leave her for a few minutes. After a few minutes go back to Gauri and say something like " I can see you are angry but that doesn't mean you should hurt me, it makes me very sad" then leave it at that. Forgive and forget. When she hits don't give in to her demands just leave her and walk away. She will realize that hitting doesn't make her get what she wants.
She seems to be doing this as a pattern of her wanting to get something from you. You said if she doesn't get fast food or lollies she will hit. So when she hits you give it to her so now it's a habit.
Instead of giving her fast foods or lollies maybe you can make something at home with Gauri when she comes home after school. Your wife/mum and Gauri can prepare/cook something together that she can eat. If she helps to cook it she may like it and have it. All fast food items you can easily prepare at home like burger, chips, pizza so maybe an option is to plan with Gauri what she would like to eat after school and when she comes home after school she can help cook it and eat it.
She spends more time, on watching cartoon network, TAB & computer
You need to put some time in the evening aside for Gauri to do her homework and for her to play. After school she can play for some time then 5pm to 6pm she has to do her homework. Then 6pm until 7pm watch TV or computer then 7pm - 7:30 dinner, 7:30 pm - 8pm read and bed. (this is an example of a routine you can do). I'm not sure if she is able to tell the time but you can show her on the clock when she has to start her homework and finish. You can put an alarm on the Tab so she knows and you can give her a warning something like "Gauri, in 10 minutes it's time to start homework" etc. This will prepare her on what's going to happen next. I think at this stage it's important to get her into a routine which I think will change her behaviour positively.
I always fear with my daughter, as she hit her head in my stomach as well as her mother stomach
Yes this can be worrying especially for your wife. Do you talk to Gauri about the baby coming? Does she know that she will be a big sister soon? Does she know that the baby is in her mums tummy? You can explain this to her so she understands. Get her happy and excited that she is going to be a big sister and she can help look after the baby, play with the baby etc. Tell her that being a big sister is very important job. She can buy a small gift to give to her brother or sister when it comes. She can sing to the baby or talk to the baby in her mums tummy.
Has this behaviour recently happened since your wife has been pregnant? Having another baby is a big change to the family and Gauri may be acting out/wanting more attention because of this.
Hopefully I have given you some advice that will help you,
,L.A
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SACHIN TANWAR
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Re: how to handel my daughter?
Dear Sir,
Thank you very much for your reply.
Her behavior is normal in the school, I conform it from her teacher at parents meeting held last Saturday. She gives her approval in reply of question asked by teacher. She always be in hurry.
I asked her many times, why she is not willing to go school? She is unwilling to go school as well as reading at home too. In last two days, everytime, when I tried to teach her, she make a number of excuses, to not study.
She is very passionate with Drawing and always demand color book and colors.
When she hurt my wife, mom or dad. She try to seek favour of me. If I scold her, she go to my mother, wife and father and vise versa.
We cannot leave her in another room, when she make such mischief, as it is very unbearable for us, to listen her cry, as she is our only child. In India, child treated as gift of God, that’s why nobody treat bad with child.
She feels fear from me, when I scold her, she says sorry to me and assure, not to make that mistake again.
As she feel stomach problem, we probhiated any type of fast food. Even we don’t eat so, but if we eat that how can we stop our child to eat the same.
I must try, to follow up given schedule, you advised, to teach her and spend more time, with her.
We also told Gauri, that she is going to get a new baby. She is very exciting and we also show some Baby development vidoes. She is very exiting and I have notice that, after showing that video, she didn’t hit her mother stomach with head.
Once again, Thank you very much for your nice reply and guideline. Hope these guideline will be useful for her.
Regards
Sachin Tanwar
Thank you very much for your reply.
Her behavior is normal in the school, I conform it from her teacher at parents meeting held last Saturday. She gives her approval in reply of question asked by teacher. She always be in hurry.
I asked her many times, why she is not willing to go school? She is unwilling to go school as well as reading at home too. In last two days, everytime, when I tried to teach her, she make a number of excuses, to not study.
She is very passionate with Drawing and always demand color book and colors.
When she hurt my wife, mom or dad. She try to seek favour of me. If I scold her, she go to my mother, wife and father and vise versa.
We cannot leave her in another room, when she make such mischief, as it is very unbearable for us, to listen her cry, as she is our only child. In India, child treated as gift of God, that’s why nobody treat bad with child.
She feels fear from me, when I scold her, she says sorry to me and assure, not to make that mistake again.
As she feel stomach problem, we probhiated any type of fast food. Even we don’t eat so, but if we eat that how can we stop our child to eat the same.
I must try, to follow up given schedule, you advised, to teach her and spend more time, with her.
We also told Gauri, that she is going to get a new baby. She is very exciting and we also show some Baby development vidoes. She is very exiting and I have notice that, after showing that video, she didn’t hit her mother stomach with head.
Once again, Thank you very much for your nice reply and guideline. Hope these guideline will be useful for her.
Regards
Sachin Tanwar
