aggressive defiance in preschool

[babayaga]

Ok, today was the worst day ever - horrible chaos, no rhythm, no teamwork and lots of battles with preschoolers.
I had particular problems diffusing and working with 4-5 children mostly boys who yelled, used foul language, repeatedly threw things at each other, spat food, kicked each other, threw chairs, sticks, rocks and even hit me with sticks. I started off my day reminding them to keep their feet, arms to themselves, holding them and looking into their faces and saying "Let's be gentle, be kind" then I progressed to firmly saying " STOP you are hurting him (or me)..." but they dismissed me, showed no respect or ability to focus and refused to cooperate. They seemed to gain power as the day wore on. They all displayed a very short attention span and would not settle to any activity I tried to establish. At times it was a game of defiance and mockery, other times, some of the boys just roamed on their own destroying others paintings, games or constructions.One boy even said he liked hurting people. I had no back up from other staff. The other carers were either busy shouting, cleaning up or simply disappeared into the background and watched me struggle with toilet needs, snotty noses, quiet stressed children and yelling and destructive children.
I have never been involved with such a complex stressful situation before and I went home ready to quit!
I had no resources no backup no support and as a pt assistant, not much respect from the others. This whole organisation is crazy, nothing works well here and I am completely depleted and frazzled. HELP

[LindyT]

Hi Babayag,

Firstly let me say it is good you have come here to vent. It is very healthy and you are not alone!
You need to speak with those above you with Authority about todays happenings. Start with your Room Leader. Just because you are part time still means you need to be respected and listened to.

I'd document what happened in as much detail as you can. Ask for a meeting with your Room Leader. Talk this trough and ask for steps to be taken to support you and these children.
It is not ok for these children to be hurting or disrupting others or yourself.

If you get no satisfaction from your Room Leader talk to your Director or whom ever is above your group Leader.

Big Hugs from me to you
Keep your chin up and don't let this beat you down!!

Lindy

[babayaga]

Thank you Lindy for your encouraging support. I spent 3 hrs this morning writing my observations of the day and also my own feelings and reflections. It started as a very emotional document but when I finished, it had become an objective analysis of a dysfunctional centre where the director and staff have no skills in addressing this problem in a creative mutually supportive way. Staff interaction/communication is very poor and the children are punished and dominated not encouraged and taught good behaviour.
Because I am the newcomer in this establishment and this is a small community with many social networks, I am reluctant to give too much information away. Most of the staff and management are unapproachable or not motivated to change. I have no like-minded colleagues here and everyone is just paddling.

We need a GIANT vacuum cleaner to suck out all the inertia, get a fresh intelligent and dynamic team in and start looking after the emotional and physical well-being of these children!!!!!

If I report the centre to a higher level of management I will make lots of enemies, cause people to lose jobs, create more stress, and many negative ripples. My philosophy has always been to work together to resolve problems but this time I am really struggling.

[dulciean]

oh dear, it sounds like your situation is very difficult. i don't have much advice to offer- just hugs ( like lindy) and sympathy. you sound a lovely, intelligent, caring educator- such a shame you are having such a disheartening experience.

[babayaga]

If anyone has any experience with averting aggressive behaviour in preschoolers through particular physical activities which encourage collaborative play and release a ton of pent-up energy, please let me know. I want to encourage quiet concentration, teamwork and experiencing the joy of community building activities. Thanks everybody for your kind words.

[rachelle]

hi
its sounds very horrible where you are.

i am feeling yur pain and frustration, i have in my room a very aggressive 4yr. it has taken two years on constant working with him and parents (this was hard cause they dont want to know), getting advice from early intervention organisiations etc and finding resources.

it is very hard to get staff up to the standard of care that you obviously have, sorry but the leading staff need a reality check, these are children and need to be cared and nutrued not yelled at.

some things i have found worked, not all the time but most.

* always getting down to his level and talking softly but sternly
* accepting the child for who they are and take each day as it comes, dont judge him before he walks in the door.
* greet him at the door , this will gain his trust and make him feel a sense of belonging
* follow through with directions dont let him get mixed messages of you saying and doing another and always follow through eg: if you hit your friends i ll take that toy away, dont say this unless you do it.
* if they hit etc, dont move them away from others or give time out, remove them from the area and make them stay with you and play with you, take this time to talk with them about their actions letting them back to their frinds whenthey have calmed.
* have an area for quiet time on their own, this works well to have an area for any of the children can go to only one at a time, this helps them learn self regulation (google Dr Stuart Shanker - child self regulation).
*be there not standing inthe corner or at the bench, get down with the kids always.
befoer lunch we all get a book for ourselves and get onto the floor, we quiet read andlook at pictures for ourselves, no talking no chairs, just on the floor withthem reading/looking at books. this is working wonderful and the kids have gotten used to this now and are doing really well. now lunch times and transitions to rest time are way less stressful and the kids are very relaxed not bouncing around. being onthe floor helps them self regulation their bodies and brain.
* work witht he families, dont let it get bigger than ben hur, talk to room leader, director straight away. its your duty of care to this child to guide him with the best of your knowledge into learning not only the basics but also the life skills.
*ask to see your code of ethics, cause this is waht every staff member should be guided with in everything they do and say.
* change the activities when you see things start to heat up, take them for a run outside

good luck with it

rach
*

[babayaga]

Thank you Rach for your fantastic tips and for taking the time to offer this good advice - I was all set to go to work armed with my strategies but just got a last minute call cancelling my day. sigh...

I hope I am not being excluded and marginalised - who knows - if things don't improve and if I am not welcomed into the team to start making some real improvements together, then I will be reporting my concerns.

[linda46]

I am an assistant in a kindergarten where there is 15 boys and 3 girls. They happen to be a really great group though! In Victoria, indoor/outdoor programs are HUGE and this can make such a difference when you are dealing with boys. Kinders and Centres run into problems with boys if they do not have enough for them to do. Whenever our boys are getting really fiesty, we get them outside pronto. We have a massive sandpit, lots of bikes and some climbing equipment. We also bring out things like mobilo which we put on a blanket and assorted other equipment and toys. Regardless of the weather, we get them outside everyday. As long as they coats and gumboots, its healthy and what they need. They will be too busy to be aggressive!

[Miss Kerry]

I also dealt with agressive children is a pre prep room several years ago. I had 4 in tha same room!

I introduced rules, laminated a set for the walls and had another set on a ring for the children to look through.

At times I would just take the cards over, get down to their level and ask if they knew what rule they were breaking, at times they would say yes and tell me which one then I would follow up with can you tell me the right thing to do? Can you show me the right thing to do? and then praise them for doing it. If they replied no I would give them the cards for them to look through and be available to them when they found which one it was, again ask what the right thing to do is and ask them to demonstrate.

Sometimes The children can just be really frustrated and angry and don't know how to tell you. I had one boy who's parents were going through a bitter divorce and the child was prevented from seeing his father. He was always acting out, so my strategy for him was when he was getting out of hand I would call the director to assist in my room while I took him elsewhere to throw bean bags at walls, kick balls at targets ect ect, while he was involved in these activities I would praise how big and strong he was and how good he was at hitting the targets, gradually I would tell him about my feelings and about how everyone feels, happy, sad and angry at times and that it's ok to express these emotions but not to hurt our friends, then just left the doors of communication open.

We set up a quiet area - seperate from book corner, and filled it with items he could squeeze (Stress balls, jelly balls) and things he could throw (cotton balls, bean bags ect) and we laminated feelings cards so he could reflect and show us how he felt. We also read lots of books about feelings and different families, and sung if you're happy and you know it ( but going through angry, excited, sad ect as well).

After a short period he was able to tell me he was angry cause Mummy wouldn't let him see Daddy. That Mummy is sad and he felt no one cared about him. Then I created a special bond with him and told him to me he'd always be special and that anytime he needed hug, I would love to give him one.

Slowly he allowed me to interact with him that way and cuddle him when he was sad, and just be near me when he needed support. Later we set up a meeting with his parents to let them know what a profound effect their relationship was having on their child, and they finally came to an agreement on visitation rights .

I'm not saying all problem behaviour will be due to factors like these, sometimes it's merely boredom.

Best policy is to keep them busy, play with them, talk to them, get to know them and their families and then hopefully the path to having a calm room will be more visable.

[babayaga]

Thank you Linda and Miss kerry for all your advice - very good suggestions and observations

[justathought]

Thank you Lindy for your encouraging support. I spent 3 hrs this morning writing my observations of the day and also my own feelings and reflections. It started as a very emotional document but when I finished, it had become an objective analysis of a dysfunctional centre where the director and staff have no skills in addressing this problem in a creative mutually supportive way. Staff interaction/communication is very poor and the children are punished and dominated not encouraged and taught good behaviour.
Because I am the newcomer in this establishment and this is a small community with many social networks, I am reluctant to give too much information away. Most of the staff and management are unapproachable or not motivated to change. I have no like-minded colleagues here and everyone is just paddling.

We need a GIANT vacuum cleaner to suck out all the inertia, get a fresh intelligent and dynamic team in and start looking after the emotional and physical well-being of these children!!!!!

If I report the centre to a higher level of management I will make lots of enemies, cause people to lose jobs, create more stress, and many negative ripples. My philosophy has always been to work together to resolve problems but this time I am really struggling.

Documentation on something you already knew and it took you 3 hours, I worked at a dysfunctional center where there was just one person causing all the trouble and it seemed for some reason when I would talk to my supervisor in confidence the person I was talking about walked in the room and my supervisor for some reason blabbed all the info straight to the person I was trying to raise an issue about by saying "Guess what?" Wheres the confidence in that? It happened twice in a space of a few weeks call weak, but I left after the second time it was obvious I was going to get no where with these people, thats when I sent records of my accounts of things to head office so they could hear my side of things, and hopefully make them aware of where the trouble was brewing from if any other issues arose in the future. But if you work for a private center where there there is no one higher you trying to get everyone on board and set some realistic goals for your room and dont forget to let the children set some goals for the room as well, they love contributing to their space so any positive involvement they have for their space will also give them a place they enjoy being.

[babayaga]

Thank you to "Just a thought" for your thoughtful reply. After a few months at my difficult job, I understand now that the culture of this centre is wrong, staff are embedded in unhealthy ways of reprimanding and shaming the children and are uncomfortable with my fresh new dynamic approach. I get corrected and told "This is not how we do things..." I observe and hear staff talking about the children as if they were nuisances rather than treasures.
I have no power other than the positive effects of my interactions and strategies with the children. I am however totally disposable and if the general mood is against me, then I may not have a long term career path here. Sad but true.
My hope is that an inspection/assessment comes soon and that changes are forced upon this place. Meanwhile I am approaching each workday as a learning opportunity and accepting the challenges with a sigh and a smile.

[justathought]

Shaming the children now thats not on, you really need to speak up and I know its really hard if you cant speak up find another way. No wonder the children are like this they are a product of their environment being yelled at and degraded, thats what the children are learning here no respect they are treating people as they are being treated. I know from personal experience that if you give these troubled kids some time for you both to get to know each other with out orders being barked at each other and sometimes that means taking a step back and listening for a while and when I say a while sometime these thing take months because so much damage has been done in a short period of time. I wish you the best of luck remember to stay on the positive side of things because they generally provide positive results.