A simple phrase overheard at an ECE service has sparked a wider discussion among parents, educators, and child development experts about how children learn to manage disappointment while having their feelings acknowledged.
According to a recent report by Nine.com.au, an Adelaide mother was surprised when her four-year-old came home from daycare repeating the phrase, “You get what you get, and you don’t get upset.” The saying, often used to encourage children to accept situations that may not go their way, prompted the mum to question whether traditional approaches to handling disappointment still align with modern parenting practices.
The mother shared her concerns on social media, explaining that while she does not consider herself a strict or authoritarian parent, she also does not follow a completely passive approach. She felt the phrase appeared to contradict current messages encouraging adults to acknowledge and validate children's feelings. Her video quickly gained attention online, generating discussion among parents and educators.
Parenting educator Gen Muir weighed in on the debate, noting that while phrases such as these may have been commonly used in the past, today's understanding of child development places greater emphasis on emotional awareness. She explained that children benefit from knowing it is acceptable to experience feelings such as disappointment, frustration, or sadness. At the same time, children also need guidance to understand that not every behaviour is appropriate and that they will not always get what they want.
For early childhood educators, the discussion highlights the importance of balancing emotional validation with clear and consistent boundaries. In busy learning environments, educators often use simple phrases to support group management and help children navigate everyday challenges. However, experts suggest that pairing these messages with empathy can be particularly effective.
Rather than dismissing a child's emotions, educators can acknowledge how a child is feeling while still maintaining expectations. For example, a child may be disappointed when a preferred toy is unavailable or when it is time to pack away. Educators can recognise the feeling by saying, "I can see you're disappointed," while also reinforcing the boundary or routine. This approach helps children build resilience, emotional regulation, and frustration tolerance over time.
The conversation also serves as a reminder of the influential role early learning environments play in shaping children's language, social skills, and understanding of emotions. Children often carry phrases, routines, and lessons from their early education settings into conversations at home, creating valuable opportunities for families and educators to work together in supporting children's emotional development.
Ultimately, the debate is not about whether children should experience disappointment, but about how adults can help them navigate those emotions in a supportive, respectful way. By combining empathy with appropriate boundaries, both families and educators can help children develop the resilience and emotional skills needed to thrive.
Children need to know that all feelings are welcome, but not all behaviours are acceptable. Supporting emotional expression while maintaining consistent expectations can help children develop confidence, resilience, and lifelong emotional regulation skills.
Reference:
‘Is This a Thing?' ’: Mum’s Shock As Four-Year-Old Repeats Harsh Parenting Phrase Heard At Daycare
Families and educators across several Edge Early Learning centres will soon transition to new providers after administrators confirmed the sale of most services affected by
A simple phrase overheard at an ECE service has sparked a wider discussion among parents, educators, and child development experts about how children learn to