Aussie Childcare Network Forum

At the beginning of the year we had two siblings begin full time care at our centre.Nine months into the year I have grown tired and frustrated with their behaviour and nothing seems to be working anymore (Yes, we thought we could fix it).Mr 3 and Mr 5 from day 1 have stirred up a great deal of problems.Talking back, spitting, hitting, kicking, swearing,threatening other kids and sexual behaviour (pulling up skirts in the toilets, kissing and sitting on top of the girls just to name a few).

Our educators also cop a good deal of insults on a daily basis,only the other week Mr 5 called our superviser a fat b****.When they first started out they made a game of running up to our educators and hitting or squeezing their private bits (and no,it was not their bottoms). They have moved on from this but time and time again they will actually grab other boys private parts when in a fight.I have also had a swarm of complaints from other parents which is starting to really concern me.I don't want to loose families whose children have attended our centre for years and who are overall much better behaved.The parents of Mr 3 and Mr 5 are spoken to on a daily basis,but to be quite frank they have problems controlling these two themselves.Usually after discussing their bad behaviour with the parent in the afternoon, they'll have them come in the next morning and apologise to the educators.Within 10 minutes the antics start all over again.

I have raised my concerns to my first authorised supervisor.This week in particular struck me when Mr 5 pushed a boy half his size backwards down the playground stairs (just for fun), striking the side of head on the way down. Luckily there was no blood but it opened my eyes to see just what they could really do if they took it too far. (Prior to this Mr 3 was involved in a choking incident,which left Mr 4's parent very unhappy,the child not returning to kindy for a few weeks because they was scared) On top of the stress of managing these kids bad behaviour, we're in the process of having assessors visit in October, I can only imagine what events will pan out on the days of their attendance.

Our policy states that a child's enrolment may be terminated if the child's behaviour threatens the health, safety and wellbeing of other children and staff. I find it reasonable to sit down and have a talk with the parents about this,because no actions we have taken over the last 9 months have improved their behaviour. I have dealt with stubborn/violent children before but nothing of this nature. What makes things worse is that these a full time children, we have to speak to them at least every 10 minutes across the 6-7 hours they are in care with us, five days a week. I dread getting up for work knowing that these two get to come in run a muck, go home happy while the staff are going home stressed,unhappy and knowing that they will return to work the next day with yet another parent complaint.

Advice, suggestions etc. would be helpful!

Hi Vicii,

First off- you sound as though you need a break (and all your staff, too!). What a horrible situation- for everyone.

There are many things that concern me about this situation- the sexual nature of the boys behavior for starters. Where are they getting this from? I'm assuming you're documenting all the incidents and have had formal discussion with the parents (not just quick, end of day chats as they pick them up)- what do they say to explain this behavior? These children may be at risk of harm, if so, you have a duty of care to them and need to report it.

More generally, are there triggers that seem to start the behavior- are the boys together and rile each other up, do they only start when there's a transition, etc? I know you're overwhelmed by how often this is occurring, but is there any indication of a root problem that could be the cause of it all?

Perhaps request the parents have them seem by a professional and have them assessed. Off the top of my head, perhaps you're dealing with Oppositional Defiance Disorder (though goodness knows it could be anything). Have the parents attended a parenting program such as Triple P? I know it may be awkward to bring up, but after the amount of time that's gone by and the frequency of what you're dealing with, you need to explain the seriousness of the boys behavior. These parents obviously don't understand that it simply won't do to apologise in the mornings and then have it all continue over and over, day after day.

Were they in care before coming to your centre? Perhaps you can ask for permission to contact the previous centre and find out what their behavior was like then?

If it is in your policy, I would definitely talk to the boys parents. I'm surprised it wasn't done earlier, actually!

Good luck with it.

Excellent response nattieP82 I would further add that given 9 months in their behaviour hasn't changed and the parents seem unwilling or unable to intervene then the Centre is quite within its rights to terminate both children's attendance with the overwhelming reason being the constant threat and danger they present to the other children in the Centre. By all means present the parents with programs and courses that may help them (for want of a better word " control" their children's behaviour) but make it clear that the children must go. For too long other children and staff have had to bear the brunt of their inexcusable behaviour.

I have been through this exact situation with two boys. In my case there was a clear cause being parental neglect (parents were unemployed and spent their days drinking in the front yard which was only two doors up the road, their aggressive behaviours were a desperate cry for attention). In your case the cause may be harder to identify. I would be documenting everything and looking for triggers, but as you describe it may have gone beyond that point. Other parents will only put up with so much before they start pulling their kids out. I believe these children are very much at risk of harm from the very fact that their behaviour is going to marginilise them in any future care/school environment unless the parents start getting serious about it and seeking help.