Starting in a new early childhood setting should feel hopeful, energising, and full of possibility. Instead, some educators walk into environments where the culture is already fractured, where misinformation, inconsistency, and unprofessional behaviour have been normalised.
One of the most destabilising experiences is working under a leader who lies. When a deputy manager or senior educator fabricates information about children, families, or staff, it creates a workplace where trust collapses and psychological safety disappears.
This article explores why this behaviour is so harmful, how it impacts educators, and what practical steps you can take to protect yourself, uphold your professionalism, and make informed decisions about your future.
Why Dishonesty in Leadership Is So Damaging
A deputy manager who lies about:
-
what children did or said
-
what parents supposedly reported
-
what staff allegedly said or did
-
policies and procedures
-
expectations and rules
…creates a culture where nothing is reliable.
In early childhood education, accuracy is not optional. It affects:
-
child safety
-
documentation
-
family communication
-
compliance
-
team cohesion
-
your professional reputation
When a leader lies, it forces educators into a constant state of uncertainty. You begin second-guessing yourself, your colleagues, and even your own memory. This is not a personal weakness it’s a predictable response to a psychologically unsafe environment.
The Emotional Impact on Educators
Working with a dishonest leader can lead to:
-
chronic stress
-
hypervigilance
-
self‑doubt
-
fear of being blamed
-
confusion about expectations
-
exhaustion from managing conflict
You may find yourself thinking:
-
“I can’t trust anything I’m told.”
-
“I don’t know what’s real.”
-
“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.”
-
“I’m scared she’ll lie about me next.”
These reactions are normal. They are signs that your internal alarm system is working.
Why “That’s Just How She Is” Is a Red Flag
When staff say, “That’s just how she is,” they’re not describing a personality quirk they’re describing a normalised dysfunction.
It usually means:
-
previous staff tried to raise concerns and nothing changed
-
leadership has tolerated the behaviour
-
the culture has adapted around the problem instead of addressing it
-
people have given up trying to fix it
This is not a healthy or safe environment for educators or children.
What You Can Do to Protect Yourself
1. Document Everything
Keep factual, neutral notes:
-
dates
-
times
-
what was said
-
what actually happened
-
who witnessed it
This protects you if you are ever blamed, misquoted, or questioned.
2. Follow Written Policies—Not Verbal Instructions
If she gives you instructions that contradict policy, you can say:
“I just want to double‑check the policy so I’m consistent with what’s required.”
This keeps you aligned with regulations and protects your professional integrity.
3. Shift Communication Into Writing
Where possible:
-
ask for clarification via email
-
confirm instructions in writing
-
keep copies of key communications
This reduces the risk of being misrepresented.
4. Seek Support Above Her Level
If the behaviour continues despite being raised, you may need to speak with:
-
the centre manager
-
the approved provider
-
HR (if applicable)
You don’t need to accuse her of lying. You can frame it professionally:
“I’m receiving conflicting information from the deputy manager and the written policies, and I want to ensure I’m following correct procedures.”
This keeps the focus on compliance, not conflict.
5. Protect Your Emotional Boundaries
You are not responsible for fixing her behaviour.
You are responsible for:
-
your wellbeing
-
your professionalism
-
your safety
Limit emotional investment. Keep interactions brief, factual, and neutral.
When It’s Time to Consider Leaving
You don’t have to stay in an environment that harms you.
Ask yourself:
-
Is this sustainable for my mental health
-
Can I do my best work here
-
Is leadership willing to change
-
Do I feel safe and respected
If the answer is no, leaving is not failure it’s self‑protection.
Many educators in similar situations have left and immediately felt relief, clarity, and renewed confidence. A workplace where leadership lies is not a “personality clash”; it’s a breach of trust, professionalism, and safety. You deserve to work in an environment where communication is honest, policies are followed, and leadership models integrity.
Whether you choose to stay and protect yourself with strong boundaries or decide that leaving is the healthier option, your feelings are valid and your wellbeing matters.
Further Reading
Addressing Gossip with Restorative Leadership
Educational Leader Guide: How to Develop Leadership Skills
Breaking the Cycle: Addressing Gossip in Early Childhood Workplaces
Dealing With Workplace Bullying In Childcare
Bullying In The Workplace
Managing Underperforming Educators